Running Away vs Constantly Searching

"We don't get to pick who we fall in love with, and it doesn't always happen like it should"

- No Strings Attached

I had a conversation with a great friend recently where we discussed the presence of voids in our lives. It was during that conversation that we realized that while we both had similar needs and wants for the outcomes of our lives we had two distinctly opposite manners in which to approach the situations we have landed our selves into. After this conversation ended I found myself wondering which approach was most detrimental and unhealthy as they both lead to severe unhappiness. It is then I realized that either approach would lead to the same out come and I am truly at a loss for words on just how to dissect either of them.

The first dynamic is knowing and clearly seeing what you want but running from it for several reasons that your imaginative mind has concocted. For the most part this approach is taken due to a severe feeling of unworthiness. It is sad to say that even with all the chips perfectly lined up there have been times when I have witnessed the fleeing first hand and wished I could step in to prevent that horrible mistake. It is not only heart breaking to witness the mistake occur, it is terrifying to be the person running or be on the receiving end of the unrequited affection. Many people unfortunately have difficulties accepting even the most perfect of situations placed directly in front of them for many internal reasons. By choosing to face the internal battle alone you create a frustrating cycle not only for yourself but for the other party involved as well. When there is someone willing and waiting to get into the ring and fight with you and fight for you it is always best to take a second look at a golden opportunity. Even if you feel unworthy chances are the person chasing you as you run away, with fear as your only companion, sees more in you than you would ever think. Life presents opportunities for a reason, and if not taken you may find yourself stuck on the outside looking in at something you know you truly want but may no longer deserve.

The second dynamic presented within this fundamentally interesting conversation is the person who knows what it is they want but has no sense of direction on how to obtain their end goal. Their sense of blindness and loss confuses the search therefore making every moment unbearable and more hopeless than the next. Fear does play a part in this scenario as well but is slightly different than the previous manner. Within this dynamic there is more a fear of making the wrong choice instead of simply allowing the patterns of life and love to occur. There are meticulously calculated decisions made that don't often lead to the end goal and place this person back at square one.

While both processes are extremely tiring and unfulfilling I'd imagine there is no quick fix or so many would have solved their unanswered problems. The true question that can possibly be answered at this time would be: Which is more tiring…constantly running or constantly searching?

Reality

As a general high school teacher I must say it is quite easy to get lost and caught up in a false sense of reality. My students prove to me every day that they are incapable of assessing and dealing with certain issues head on. After much careful thought on the topic I've realized that facing reality isn't just an adolescent issue that fades with time. In fact I am becoming more accustomed to hearing "If it is meant to be it will be", "I'm just going to sit back and let it play out", or my favorite, "It's out of my hands there is nothing I can do" from the group of peers I choose to surround myself with. A few months ago at the beginning of the school year I decided to recycle my annual Essential question: Are the outcomes of our lives affected by fate, chance, or choice? I have posed this question to many different people in different forums and while many debates occur an often general consensus decides it is choice that determines the outcome of our lives. Yet it is the same people who believe so strongly in the power of choice that are ultimately leaving their lives up to the twists and turns of an unknown fate.

I can't say wholeheartedly that I can control every single moment of my life. There are events and moments that simply occur. I do know that the moments I can control, I take full responsibility and ownership over. There have been many times when I thought about leaving situations to resolve themselves, but I realized that leaving life up to fate removes my power and encourages weakness. Copping out with "if it is meant to be it will be" replaces communication and the importance of honesty. Facing situations head on is the basis of living life to it's fullest capacity and is the basis of living a truly fulfilling life. I don't claim to have all of the answers but I do know that I have an impeccable sense of reality. I can always see what is right in front of me even if it takes a while, I have learned to appreciate the pain of reality rather than the comforts of a falsified dream world.