Saturday, June 11, 2011

The dangers of intentions

"A lie does not consist in the indirect position of words, but in the desire and intention, by false speaking, to deceive and injure your neighbor"

Most of my inspiration and topics of conversation stem from random pieces of conversations that I have had with many different people about similar topics. This inspiration is a conglomerate of two topics that have an underlying connection once you've taken the time out to correlate the basis of both of them. Instead of creating two separate entries, I chose to mix these two topics as they relate more closely than people give them credit for. I've decided to combine the intricacies of truly defining what is considered infidelity and what is considered dating/talking. At first glance their connection appears to be clarification and definition, but I've come to realize it is so much more than simply that. I have found that just as with most other decisions your intentions are the basis of your choices and beliefs.
The easier of the two discussions begins with the fairly new term "talking". From an English teacher point of view talking incorporates the physical act of verbally speaking to someone. From the more common vernacular point of view "talking" has taken on a new life form that leaves plenty of gray matter and opportunity for confusion and misinterpretation. Does talking begin with the intention to grow into full blown relationship, or is it the key term that allows acceptable access into a strictly platonic sexual relationship? Is talking a monogamous courtship or is it the term used for multiple simultaneous interactions? I have received many different answers and supposed definitions of what "talking" consists of. With so many opposing thoughts and beliefs as to what goes along with "talking" it is important now more than ever to truly open up the lines of communication. It is important that both people in the "talking" phase speak about what their intentions are during this process because it is clear that not every one has the same ideals as to the amount of work to bring into the connection. As for the term I connect it most closely with a much older term "dating".
After a few discussions about dating I myself was shocked to realize that not everyone sees dating or going out on dates in the same manner. A very spirited friend of mine classifies dating as physically going out with a person of the opposite sex as a pair. While we do share similar ideals and beliefs when it comes to relationships, I was shocked to find out that we do not have the same definition as to what a date is. As a person with a slightly skewed amount of friends of the opposite sex I can not classify a date as going to grab a slice of pizza or going to the movies with a friend. However that is solely based off of my beliefs and intentions. I have learned recently to take in the consideration of others' intentions as they do not always align with mine. This brings in the second topic of infidelity.
Most classify infidelity as physically interacting in an inappropriate manner with someone else other than your significant other. This brings in the common deal breaker for most: sexual interaction. I'm most certain that we can all agree that having sexual relationships with someone else that is not your partner is cheating. Infidelity, however by definition does not only include just sex. Inappropriate interaction is cause for discussion and possible grounds for termination but again the word inappropriate just like "talking" has a lot of gray matter in between that causes confusion. What I may see as inappropriate may not be viewed the same way by others. Honestly I respect the fact that there are different views on similar topics because I believe difference in opinion creates room for growth. What I have learned from many conversations is intention from BOTH parties is what should solely be considered. There is no gray matter when it comes to you making a clear cut decision to take specific actions that you must hide, or alter. Falsifying the truth of events and intentions is just a fancy version of a lie and no matter how you say it or twist it a lie is a lie.
A few friends have brought up the situation of being in a relationship and going out with someone of the opposite sex as a powder keg for infidelity. This brings up conversations of who should pay for what, or hidden feelings coming to the surface. Again I state going to a pizzeria and having a friend pay for your slice is not a moment of infidelity in my eyes. However if you intend for that pizza to lead to something else you are setting up your own powder keg and must be ready to deal with the explosion. It is not right to assume that once you are in a relationship you are cut off from the rest of the world and making contact with friends is cheating. It is also not fair to blame a lack of self control as to why your true intentions surfaced. At this point we are all adults who have some sort of self actualized relationship with our selves and should know what your needs and wants are. As individuals it is important to understand that there is no set of rules when it comes to human interaction and relationships. Each interaction is different and should be treated as such. Communication however is always the key to prevent unwanted outcomes.
Be careful of your intentions as they stem from your beliefs and ultimately control your actions.


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