The One

"What if the person you're meant to spend the rest of your life with is already a part of your life… and you just don't know it yet"

              Though I am not a major believer in fate as I believe more so in the power of choice, I do take the concept into consideration for many conversations and arguments. The latest discussion surrounding the concepts of fate, chance, or choice revolves around the ever so interesting idea of finding "the one". I've come across many questions such as: "How do you know when you've found the one?", "Do you really think there is only one person out there for you?", and "What if I already have encountered the one but I just don't know it yet?". Since I am the exact opposite of a credible relationship guru or therapist I give the most honest answer that I can possibly think of: I don't know. People change, life happens, and many times "the one" becomes just "another one" in the continuous search to find "the one". However I am no cynic when it comes to the possibilities of finding that one special person as I have several prime examples of fruition from close friends, and most importantly my parents who will be celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary this upcoming March. I know that it is quite possible because I have seen it, but I do not diminish the difficulty in finding such an occurrence. 

             After several conversations I've come to the conclusion that there is no set answer or format to obtain what so many desire. There is no recipe to follow, and every person I spoke to had a different outlook on what they believe leads to a successful relationship. Of this I was already aware as I am certain no one supports their relationship in the manner that my parents do, or the way my best friend's parents do, or even my closest friends. What I truly found interesting within this line of questioning and discussion, in regards to this topic was with all of the varying ideals there was one thing everyone agreed upon: the idea that there is only one person out there for you. That means out of the billions of people in the world there is one single perfect match that makes all headaches, stress, and anger worth dealing with because the rewarding overall outcome makes all other people irrelevant. Anyone who knows me knows I've never been one for math but I have always been interested in the statistics and probability that define the likelihood of instances occurring. So I sat and ran with these numbers in my head before beginning this blog, and I thought about how mathematically challenging it is to find this "one" within a timeframe that allows for a lifetime to be shared together. 

             Some people begin at a much earlier time period with elementary, jr high, high school, and college love. Others stumble onto their "one" much later in life, which leads me to my final question. We spend our lives for the most part surrounded by people. Whether it be friends, family, acquaintances, co workers, school mates… we live our lives in  constant contact with people that have some sort of an affect.  One of my friends brings up the "friend zone" situation which is the cause of many issues when it leads to arriving at the destination of "the one". So often the people we are constantly encountering are the ones we overlook most often as a choice for crossing into a new category.  It is often a mixture of fear, disinterest, bad timing, and on occasion complete ignorance that prevents many possible beautiful outcomes from even beginning. We've all heard the stories of people finding true love with a person they have known for years as we have also heard just as many horror stories of how friendships were ruined because of a failed attempt. If all of mankind is truly searching for "the one" as I have heard they are, I do believe that this is a chance and a choice that should be taken equally by both parties involved if we are to statistically sway the bell curve into our favor. Unfortunately for the hopeless romantics I do not think fate has a thing to do with whether or not your true love ever makes it out of the friend zone, or whether you find him/her five years from now in a club. I think hard work and effort should get more credit for bringing you together with "the one".

                  We have people walk in and out on a daily basis, and I have a difficult time accepting that fate takes the time to push one of these people into my life as "the one" I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I've never been the type to think that something new is always better than something old so I very much believe that someone I've been building as a stable part of my life for the past 2, 5, 7, 10, 15 years could very well be the person I spend the rest of my life with. This is a choice that is made and developed it is not a disease that you catch over night. I could also very well meet someone tomorrow and choose to build the rest of my life with that person. Every thing is a choice and my overall view on the situation is at the end of the day you can choose to make every single romantic encounter bloom into a relationship with "the one" but if that person doesn't make the same choice this is where we end up with infidelity and the "all women/men are the same" attitudes. Be careful with your heart, be mindful of who you give it to, and be weary of labeling everyone as "The One" because forever… is a very long time. 

MJB