Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Determining value and worth

Most of the time people will tell and show you exactly who they are… it is you that chooses not to listen.

I fight battles to maintain only what I believe is worthy of the fight. We value what it is that we deem to be important. It is as simple as that. No matter how busy, hectic, or upside down our lives may seem we set aside time, no matter how small, for people and things that are valuable in our lives. As I progress further and further away from my adolescent years it has become a difficult transition into the changes that adulthood brings not only in myself but in the people that surround me as well. It is understandable that it will become more difficult to play the same roles that you once played in the past because new responsibilities have taken precedent. However once someone or something is considered a priority you manage to incorporate them in some facet of the 365 days you make your own.  

I by no means am the perfect friend, sister, daughter, writer, or teacher, but these five aspects of my life are the core of who I am. There are times when I forget that one can not properly function with out the others being holistically taken care of as well. While I struggle and must often remind my self to make sure each aspect receives equal attention I am also honest with myself and those around me. There are going to be some weeks where my teaching skills will excel and days when I doubt I am effectively teaching anything at all. There will be times when I am an amazing friend and other times where my friends will barely hear from me. I say this not to make my life seem more than what it really is or to create excuses, I say this more so to state a point. I show the people I value in my life exactly who I am at face value, therefore there is little to no confusion whether I am truly a presence or absence in their lives.  There is always a breaking point to everything and I make sure to never take advantage of the people around me. Going that extra mile to send a random good morning text to a friend, or sitting down for twenty minutes to have a discussion with your siblings are the little efforts that should be made to maintain not only stability but mutual relevance in valued ones lives.        

In the relationships you have taken the time to build you accept the behaviors that you think you deserve. And with this acceptance comes a false premise or pedestal that you place people on and expect them never to fail you. You become trapped in a continuous cycle in which you partake in alternating variances of the same scenarios. That is where the dangers of expectations come into existence. Life is always going to throw a random curve ball into the plans you think you've made. There are going to be people that will consistently disappoint you and there will be people that don't. What you must begin to learn, as I know it is no where near simple, is how to determine your value in other's lives as well as the value people take in yours. I am slowly learning to adjust and adapt to the certain forms of silence that have descended and formed shadows amongst myself and my counterparts. This is the most difficult part of the learning process. This is where you begin to understand and differentiate what different forms of silence mean. Some people grow apart, some people walk apart and these forms of silence are often the most deafening and irreversible. And sometimes silence is just that silent. Nothing more nothing less, and when that final silence is broken everything falls back into place like it was never there in the first place. When you've come to realize which form of silence you have encountered that is when you will be able to determine your importance in someone else's life.

It is understandable especially during the responsibility filled times we are all currently facing that certain people, things, and activities will not be given as much precedent as before, or as others. After all everything and every moment can not be weighed equally. Do not misconstrue busyness as a form of progress or success because when you've finally reached the finish line it is the celebration at the end with those you value that will truly make you feel victorious. You don't want a crowd of people at your finish line that don't truly care to basque in your success and you most certainly don't want to be at the end alone.  

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