Titles

So I'm up late and have an interview at 9am. Instead of surfing the emptiness of any "social networks" or forcing myself to sleep I decided to do something a little more productive.

What's in a Title? Some girls and guys feel like if a title is not given to the situation they are in then it is not real or should not be thoroughly respected. I have two opposing thoughts on the issue based off of many different experiences in the past. I've never been one to need a title placed on anything. I know who I am and don't feel the need to be defined by another. While being the "girlfriend" or the "wifey" is nice what does the title change? Does it add exclusivity to the relationship? Can adding a title actually place a curse on the relationship due to the fears and responsibilities that come along with it?

Some men and women operate better when the status of the relationship is left open ended. The behavior is there, the feelings and emotions are there but the official title is lacking in their courtship. Does that make what they share any less important than someone who has been in an official relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I have heard instances where couples have been together for decades and once they walk down the aisle and place that title of man and wife on their relationship it comes to an unfortunate emotional and highly financial dissolution. Does being your boyfriend or girlfriend make the kiss that much sweeter, the love that much stronger and the heartbreak that much easier?

Personally I have been on both sides of the fence and can say without a doubt that the necessity of titles is subjective. It all depends on who your with and how you two operate together. Some people need the security blanket of that title to perform their womanly and manly deeds as a significant other. Others know that whether or not they are introduced as a friend or as a boyfriend/ girlfriend that at the end of the day that person's heart undoubtedly remains with them through thick and thin. I once heard a good friend argue that "nothing will change by me asking you out so why do you need to be my girlfriend so bad". Unfortunately he was wrong and duped. With that title came great drama and issues that were not present with that title remaining absent. Whose to say it just wasn't a matter of time for the relationship to come to an end but the timing could not have been more off.

I have also witnessed another good friend suffer greatly because the title wasn't put in place leaving doubts, insecurities, and fears to cause minor deterioration in the already fragile state of the relationship. The addition of that title could save it from falling apart but is that safe/healthy? Does it have something to do with a timeline? After a certain amount of time is the title supposed to fall into place and just be assumed or should we remain in the 1920s and wait for the question to be asked?

My final thoughts on this topic after giving it much though and experiencing every aspect on the spectrum. Titles have the tendency to complicate a flourishing relationship that is blossoming into something potentially extraordinary. I do admit that after a certain amount of the time the flourishing relationship must go through deep conversation and careful consideration as to whether or not it is strong enough to sustain the hardships, scrutiny, and responsibilities of an official title. With that being said don't jump into a relationship because that is what will complete you. Don't attempt to solve your internal issues by being someones girlfriend or boyfriend. Live for yourself first and everything else will fall into place.

MJB

Promiscuity

I just want to say I'm no preacher and definitely not without sin. I give this warning now because I don't want to come out as judgmental or mean. With that said I begin the topic of promiscuity. What's the point? Both men and women do it, it's not something that ONLY men do so let's get that out of our one track minds. Women do it just as much as men do and I know that for a fact. I just don't understand what is the point in sleeping around and even the people you've given yourself too laugh and want nothing to do with you. How does it feel to never be the girl/boyfriend just the girl/boy that was used.

After attending a small university with an even smaller African American population the web that has been created is amazingly sad and embarrassing. Six degrees of separation would ruin alot of friendships if the complete truth were to ever be discussed. While attending several different events during the summer it was brought to my attention through jokes and tears who has slept with each other and who would be destroyed if they ever found out the truth. I am not perfect again I'll repeat but no man or woman can ever use more than one hand to count how many people I've slept with and I can also safely say that no one can sit back at a party and laugh while they count the amount of people I've slept with in one room that all know and associate with each other.

So again I ask why put yourself in that position? Why make your self vulnerable to the harsh words of your so called friends who actually make fun of you behind your back every chance they get. What makes it worse for the ladies in these situations is the guys in their loving relationships do their dirt, and go back to their girlfriends and you are still left to clean up the mess and lose friendships due to the fact of your secret life. I really do feel sorry for both parties though and I realize this more and more every day that you're not in control of your sexuality because you decide who you open your legs to. And you're damn sure not the man for taking everything with a vagina "down". Besides STD's and pregnancy, your playing around with peoples emotions.

I don't really use or throw around the word whore but I do believe in a time and place for everything. I have friends that have numbers in the teens and twenty's…and while we joke around they know who they are. So this leads me to another question. Is it a lifestyle choice or the way you carry yourself. While I don't know certain male or female's #'s I'm less inclined to consider them "whores" in my mind while others that is the first thing that comes to mind. Is it the way they carry themselves, the things they say, the scandals they've been apart of? And is that even fair to them? If person A has slept with 40 people has a PHD, a car, a job, and decent conversation and person B has slept with 15 people, no car, no job, sounds like an idiot and dresses like a slut does that make them more of a whore? The answer SHOULD be no but in society's eyes they are worse.

Well… that's just the way it goes but a word to the wise for future events:

"Flaunt a cute butt hide a FAT gut"

MJB