Follow Through

As I am constantly in evaluation mode I stumbled onto an old concept that could always use some "re-evaluation". I am not so certain that I have specifically discussed my thoughts but all of my topics are interrelated at some point. For the few people that know me very well they are aware of the amount of hatred I have for what I call "flops". A flop as defined by myself is someone who can not follow through with a plan, an idea, or even a thought. This type of person not only frustrates me but saddens me as well.

Since many things frustrate me I add a "flop" the the list and move forward but being surrounded by so many creates a sense of sympathy for them as well. I see a person who "flops" as being often self conscious, unreliable and dishonest to both themselves as well as others. These type of people lack the follow through to create the change they wish to see in their lives therefore often leaving them with a feeling of entrapment and lack of self worth. There are many different levels that receive different levels of patience from me. Overall on the surface though I may feel a particular way at a particular time, I hold no grudges and have genuine concern for those who can not follow through to empower themselves.

For the sake of maintaining anonymity as I discuss the different levels and experiences I have had with "flops" I mention no names. My first and most common encounter is the self conscious flop. This type of person has probably faced a life changing even that has placed them at a disadvantage to their peers. When this occurs, dishonesty, the easiest dependent is used to mask the severity of the situation. Instead of saying, "I don't have the money to come out as often as I used to", or "I can't come out because I am trying to save" this person will often make and set plans up with people to only back out last minute with a lack luster excuse. My favorite occurrence is the complete "Houdini" act that occurs when no phone calls, text messages, or emails are returned or "received". As a person who values respect greatly I would respect the honesty rather than the silence. A wise man once told me, "I believe that when you ignore the problem it stops/ goes away". While I don't wholeheartedly agree with that statement in regards to every situation when it comes to a lack of follow through I take that silence in stride and remove myself from being your problem any further. In this way no plans need to be cancelled or rescheduled due to the lack of honesty.

The second type of flop that is more heartbreaking than frustrating is a person who can not follow through on a promise they make to themselves. There are many I choose to surround myself that create self inflicted wounds on a daily basis to their potential growth. Making a statement one day and taking actions that directly negate those statements is not only sad but portrays a lack of faith and strength. It is more than just a failed goal or altered New Years Resolution it is the complete lack of self control. As a person who is not the most financially endowed I know that all I truly have to offer to the world is my word. The honesty I provide to the world is a reflection of the honesty I provide to myself. If I fail to do the things that I have promised myself this means I accept betrayal and am no better than any common liar. Its a sad state to remain in a never ending cycle therefore a person that flops on themselves may need to step back and re-evaluate their intentions.

As I come to a close I impartially step back I restate the same advice I often give. Look your self in the mirror and make sure you are happy with the person you see staring back at you. If you are okay with the outcome of your life then by all means continue on your righteous path. But if for one second there is a doubt in your mind that you may not like the person you have become make a change…

MJB

Loyalty

"Loyalty cannot be blueprinted. It cannot be produced on an assembly line. In fact, it cannot be manufactured at all, for its origin is the human heart-the center of self-respect and human dignity.
It is a force which leaps into being only when conditions are exactly right for it-and it is a force very sensitive to betrayal."

Maurice Franks

As I grow older I realize that so many concepts are interrelated and correlate directly with one another. Therefore the beliefs you have in one idea can directly relate to the outcomes and actions of your life in regards to something else. This brings me to my next topic of discussion: loyalty. This isn't a word I hear thrown around very often but when I do it tends to confuse me. I relate loyalty to fidelity and honesty. When you are loyal you are often referred to synonymously as being faithful and trustworthy. With all of these words being thrown around in conversation I can't help but think while they are correlated there is a difference amongst them.

Coming from a Catholic upbringing the word fidelity and faith have been apart of my vocabulary for as long as I can remember. Two statements however have stuck with me during my toughest trials and tribulations. The first being: "Fidem Servavi" the latin motto of my high school translates directly into "I have kept the faith". The second being: "Semper Fidelis" the latin motto of the Marines which directly translates into "Always Faithful". These two phrases transcend their simple translations and have transformed my views on fidelity and faith. While I can be described as a religious person oddly enough I do not use faith or fidelity to describe my connection with religion. Faith and fidelity have taken on a personal meaning for myself rather than in regards to a relationship. As always my views on being a partner always incorporate being yourself primarily. When I reveal my body art to others the initial question is always "What are you always faithful to?" Unfortunately for most of the one tracked minds I did not place a disclaimer on my body to reveal to the opposite sex that I am always faithful in a relationship. Broadcasting or using my body as a form of advertisement are two trends I promise I will never follow. My answer to the subpar intelligence and anticipation always has and always will be that, "I am Always Faithful… to myself". In being faithful to myself I find no difficulties in being faithful to others whether it be in a relationship or not.

This leads me to my next misused and poorly defined word: honesty. I've tackled the issues of honesty in previous rants and not much has changed on my beliefs in regards to honesty. A lie is a lie whether it is black or white or a lie told through omission. I have however broadened my horizons to the followup. Honesty… though always broken, can be fixed through communication. Silence is what truly destroys honesty completely. I myself have been guilty of this destruction as well as those closest to me. The most frustrating factor within silence is pride. Pride clouds the judgement creating a greater silence perpetuating the downfall of saveable sin. Most of the time the anger, the pain, and the embarrassment subsides but the pride will linger. While I continuously feel that honesty is one of the most misused ideals in life especially in relationships I do see a silver lining as it is the simplest to fix. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and be honest with yourself realizing that no amount of pride is worth losing.

I conclude with my own misconceptions and misconstrued ideals in regards to loyalty. The concept of loyalty is the most humorous and underdeveloped. I say humorous because of the past brief descriptions I've heard. With loyalty comes mob movies, hip hop, the street… etc but that is not what loyalty is all about. Being able to run with a crew for a few months and keep your mouth shut doesn't automatically make you a loyal person. Those situations are mostly fear of the unknown outcome but true loyalty can even be difficult to pursue for yourself let alone others. There are not many people that I would consider I am loyal to or that they are loyal to me. I don't relate loyalty to having a "team that will hold me down" it's so much more than that. Loyalty my dear readers once broken is unfixable. Loyalty is offered to few because it is so fragile. And loyalty can with stand the test of time and a changing environment. So remember to always be faithful to yourself, be honest with everyone, and be loyal to very few.

MJB

Relationships

"In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place."

Elizabeth Gilbert

As a writer I am no stranger to fiction, creating fantasy, and building perfection between my characters. As a human I am no stranger to pain, struggle, and human nature. With the blending of these two I've decided to tackle one of the most cliche topics but ever so interesting and entertaining. While I am no master of the topic I hope to offer some form of incite based off what I have witnessed and experienced. In my short under developed twenty two years of life I have encountered what I would now call many learning experiences and connections. Some stronger than others, some longer than others but none more important than the other. I say this now as a much wiser fool. You see I feel that interaction builds into a connection and a connection can possibly lead to a relationship. When I think about what I define a relationship as now I realize I was sadly mistaken to think that at age 16 or at age 20 I had what it takes to build a true meaningful relationship. Don't get me wrong I believe with all the certainty in my heart that it can be done but it is much more difficult during those time periods. Why? You can not build a relationship with another if you haven't build a solid relationship with yourself first.

Before it is possible to instill all of this trust, love, hopes and dreams into someone else you have to instill it in yourself first. I've seen so many variations of relationships that fall onto to spectrum from healthy to abusive. With all of the relationships I've witnessed and the connections I've built it is sometimes really sad and bleak to look forward into the future. I do not base this solely on the male gender because the women have just as a big role to play in the matter. With divorce rates being so high, single parents, and music videos raising generation after generation meaningful generations seem far and few. These factors are not the only deciding factors and I will use myself as an example. My parents are still together and have just celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary. They certainly did not allow the television to raise me and demonstrate such a strong love that while it may confuse me from time to time I can see the hard work and dedication that prevents their love from falling apart. When I look at myself I do not see the qualities that they bring to their relationship instilled in me. I have taken my connections and disconnections in stride as learning experiences as a tread forward in search of something I can't even specify to myself.

For so long I couldn't quite put my finger on why disconnect was so much simpler for me. I have figured that my fear doesn't stem from being hurt but more from the fear of losing myself. I have battled so long to finally be comfortable with every piece of who I am that when I see the compromise that others must make in relationships I choose myself every time. These relationships that I have seen and the connections I have been involved in have all placed a specific member against a wall where they must choose themselves or the relationship. I myself have been guilty of doing the same when given the upper hand. It is impossible to think that anyone would be okay with losing who they are. That anyone would chose to be a "we" instead of a me". It is a sad situation to witness and even sadder to be apart of.

While many may think I have "trust" issues or don't want to open up. I find that thought completely absurd. I know who I trust… me. I know who I can always open up to… me. And as I grow further and further in love with myself and get a little bit smarter with each passing day I can say with out a doubt that the moments when I've felt most alive, most beautiful, most cared about, and most loved isn't when I was called baby, or honey, or princess… it is when I am called Mel. Because that is who I am, this is who I will always be, and this is when I feel like I am most understood.

"When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."