Monday, July 16, 2012


"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

              I think as a blogger, a writer, and genuinely as a person in general I've gotten away from what makes me: me. What makes me different, unique, special...etc. It is not uncommon to become disconnected  from the world, and it is even more likely to become disconnected with yourself. It is a rare luxury that few people encounter in which you can see the problem and choose to fix it. I began relying on my common contributions to the world while ignoring my art, ignoring my reality, therefore creating a major disconnect from my heart to the pen to the paper.Or in this case the keyboard to the screen. I found myself pointing the finger more often then not instead of taking a look at the person staring back at me in the mirror. So  below I offer my most honest and vulnerable post. In it I don't just discuss facts that affect society, or discuss trend, instead I discuss myself.  While I can't pinpoint where the disconnect began or how the affects began to surface, I'm sure I can address a few common issues that may have placed  me at the beginning of this reflective path to reconnect. 

Holding On: A wise friend once inadvertently told me, while speaking to a crowd of impressionable adolescents, "When you love someone you don't always have to be around them, and all up under them. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance". I'm sure she didn't know it at the time but I adopted that mantra, made it a point to live by it, and share it with others that may need a bit of reminding. So often we find ourselves holding on to certain people, things, beliefs, issues all because we can't see past the ends of our noses. We choose to burden ourselves and in doing so burden others around us, because letting go seems like the end of the world. The fear cripples our ability to realize that resilience feeds strength. Length of time, struggles and hurdles faced together, and the memories of former happier times should not be bargaining chips in regards to your happiness. Sometimes you and that friend you've had forever must walk away from each other to preserve sanity and respect. The boyfriend/girlfriend you've been dragging along must be set free. And most importantly the hatred, drama, issues you've been harboring must be let go or you will forever be in a mentally enslaved state. The first move is the painful realization you have to face sooner or later on your own. This process is by no means as simple and straight forward as I make it seem, because I myself as a physical and emotional hoarder have become accustomed to being surrounded by people and things while being in a complete emotionally unavailable lonely state. The quickness or ease of the process is not what matters, it's coming to grips with the fact that some people are going to be roots in your life, and some people are going to be leaves. Differentiating between the two is always going to be tricky as some people have a better poker faces than others. I find myself being okay with this process because I value both the roots and the leaves. I see the importance that both types of people have in my life. I see that some people are here to help me be stable and grounded while learning during life's lessons, while the others are teaching me the ins and outs, the goods and bads of  those lessons.          

Choosing to make mistakes: I think what has caused a major disconnect not only for myself, but for many others is the complete disregard for what is a choice and what is a mistake. This dangerous misconception creates a false sense of reality, where it becomes apparent that blatant thought out choices are later being labeled as a mistake to create a sense of ease between the mind and the conscience. The only real way to truly connect with yourself is to be honest with yourself. Tricking your own mind doesn't do you any justice nor does it right any wrongs you may have done. Relying on the fact that you can later change your choice to a mistake, prevents ownership of your actions and cheapens the very soul of who you are. As an almost 24 year old I still find it difficult to own up to the big stuff, but i am quickly learning as I face day to day life that it is okay to say:  my bad, or that i fucked up, or better yet IM SORRY that i made the wrong decision, I made the wrong choice. I'm learning in this whole adult thing that your true power comes from the choices you make, and whether you make the right or the wrong one the world respects the honesty. So i figure the true focus should always be to make your next move your best move so you don't have to worry about making "false mistakes".     

Others make you good... but only you can make your self great.

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