Jumping on the Bandwagon: Living your life as a #trendingtopic

"nobody built like you, you designed yourself…"

I used to think that as humans we possessed so many skills that set us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. Unfortunately after many months of observation I have reached a sad and insulting realization. We appear to be nothing more than a pack of animals traveling together blindly following whoever happens to be infront of the pack. Again I re-state "blindly following" even if that path leads off of a cliff: "if everyone else is doing it then it must be okay"
How far gone and behind we are as a culture, a society, a race. Now don't get me wrong there is absolutely and most definetly always a time and place when it is necessary to follow. Everyone can not be a leader at all times and a true leader knows when the appropriate switch from follower to leader should take place. Unfortunately many have lost the connection and their switch constantly remains in the off position. We've become a culture that has become accustomed to being apart of the crowd rather then to separate ourselves and create our own path for someone else to follow. Often we hear many saying how unique they are or hope to be but I have stopped giving society the benefit of the doubt and fear that there is no one person that is truly unique. I see it more and more every day as I read my Facebook newsfeed, walk through the halls of school, and listen to the topics of conversation that arise amongst peers, co-workers, and friends.

Lately I have heard by many that I am old fashioned and against technology. Well that couldn't be furthest from the truth. I am one of the most radical thinkers I know and consume all forms of technology through a filter. My personal stance has nothing to do with conservative thinking just thinking. For one moment could we as a society stop and think why we make certain decisions and take certain actions. Critically think and analyze just for one second why did you post that particular status, why did you follow that person, why did you type that specific tweet, why did you change your picture to a cartoon. Is it because you truly believe that in that instant your sailor moon photo will prevent a child from being beaten, or you posting a status about how you truly feel about someone will bring your friendship that much closer. Instead of personally telling someone how important they are to us is it more beneficial to anonymously equate them with a number and tell the world? Will complaining about your love life magically fix the problem because people that care about you so much are commenting on your status and giving feedback? Is boredom an acceptable reason or a tool used by the incompetent?

There is no judgement just personal curiosity and a call for questioning. I do understand that cultural norms are hard to break free from but can't quite understand how the need for a new wardrobe or iPad can be followed by a complaint of being broke or in debt. I do understand that when everyone is doing something that seems so appealing whether it be a drug or a social networking activity it's hard to live above that enticing influence. I do understand that so many of the #trendingtopics are harmless and don't or shouldn't bother or be anyone's concern. I offer my understanding to all of these things as well as the same advice I offer my students: Be a #trendingtopic every once in a while instead of always following them. Set a trend, make others follow you. Change the pace and find something positive and progressive to do with your boredom.

Friendship

"What about our friends, are they gonna be low down will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you"

Friendship: A two syllable ten letter word that is constantly thrown around, abused, used, misunderstood, and taken advantage of. What was once a strong force to be reckoned with has been left in a fragile state of over used apologies, deceitful behavior, broken memories and remnants of what once used to be. At the age of twenty two I have had the pleasure to experience what I would classify as great friendships that have faced and overcome many obstacles. I have also had the pleasure to experience bitter relationships that I would never minimize their importance but would no longer dare call a friendship in any form. As a supporter of constant learning I have no other choice but to classify these relationships as an important pleasurable learning experience that have taught me more than I could ever learn from a TV special.

You see after careful analysis of not only my past relationships but others' interaction as well, I've realized that there is rarely a true balance of authentic respect. Respect is the basis and key to a successful and healthy relationship between people. Respect holds the key to honesty, understanding, trust and all other necessary aspects of building a true friendship. Instead of building a respectful interaction people are quick to label every person that they meet as a friend. We can of course blame it on a lack of word choice and variation or pure laziness. It does not however take much time to differentiate a co-worker and acquaintance from a friend. It is these people that choose the convenience of the word friend over the true responsibilities that come along with this word that are truly the most dangerous.

A friend is someone who you should be able to be most vulnerable with. A person that will give advice without a degrading judgmental tone, will act first and ask questions later. It is so important to realize that not everyone in the world is destined to be your friend and you are not destined to be everyone's friend. Whether it be "fucked up" or not your friends are your army and I personally do not need someone on my side if I am never really sure in which direction they are pointing their gun. Unfortunately many people are afraid to admit that a relationship they once categorized as a friendship is no longer worth the work and sacrifice because of the amount of time that has been put into it. My response to that after many years of experience with this exact issue, though it may be painful, just because you have been friends with someone since kindergarten the battle is no longer worth it if you are in it alone and their gun is pointed directly and constantly at you. Obstacles are one thing but a lack of respect is a completely different issue.

I commend those friendships that have overcome serious issues or what was once considered serious back during adolescent time. I also commend those who have removed themselves from unhealthy relationships and never turned back because you have broken the repetitive cycle of "I'm sorry and we're still best friends". The "I'm sorry's" have run thin but the bitter regret of what they have lost will always be a win for you. In conclusion I end this with as much wisdom as I can possibly provide. I believe that friendship is one of the most difficult relationships to have and to maintain. With that said friendship can be one of the most beautiful aspects in your life if taken care of appropriately. It all starts however with yourself. Be respectful to yourself, get to know yourself, be a friend to yourself first before you take on the needs of someone else's friendship requirements. Once you've taken care of you the rest should fall in place.

Honesty

I initially signed in to discuss cyber bullying/ social network thugs but in light of recent enlightenment I decided to save that topic for another time and discuss a major issue: honesty.

What is honesty? Is there such a thing as a completely honest person. A person that no matter what, or where, the words and phrases that pour out of their mouths will be the complete and utter truth. While I often tell my students to stay away from generalizations they can not prove I will bite the hypocritical bullet and state that I do not believe there is anyone capable of telling the truth at all times. There are many that will battle to the death in a discussion revolving around this topic in order to clear their name as the only honest person left in the world. But truth be told many of us have difficulties being honest with ourselves let alone the rest of the human population.

It's a sad reality to accept yet one we must face head on. Our society has become accustomed to accepting excuses as reasons to uphold or forgive dishonesty. Sparing feelings, playing down the severity of the lie, or my favorite:omission, have become the latest and most commonly used excuses that we accept.

The "I didn't want to hurt you's", and "I didn't think it was a big deal's" have been used as clever disguises to cover the truth of the matter which always has and always will be "I didn't care about your feelings enough to curb my dishonest behavior" , "I did what I wanted to do despite future consequences and repercussions". But what kind of world would we live in if these were the phrases being used instead of the ones we've grown to love and forgive. Where would politics, and infidelity go? Where would they fit in that kind of world? What would happen if for one day everyone answered questions directly without dancing around the actual answer. Would fairy tales have to be re-written, and education reconstructed?

While I believe man is capable of such greatness I also sadly believe that man… and I mean mankind including women are incapable of true truth. I myself fall victim to the playing down the severity of lying by consoling myself into thinking that a small lie or a white lie is not the end of the world. When in fact it is. The small lies can some times be the worst because of their ability to build and grow deceit so quickly. I must often remind myself that a lie is a lie no matter what and as I stress to my students the importance of being honest I truly feel bad for adding to a lie and temporarily blinding them from the ugly truth. It is an unfortunate circumstance that grows day by day with every lie that seeps through and destroys the most fragile part of us all: trust.

What's good for you?

As I begin this post the definition of insanity comes to mind:

Insanity (noun)- doing the SAME exact thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

With that said being said it has taken me twenty two long and grueling years to figure out and understand the concept of that definition and to truly live by it. I heed this post with a warning as I do all the others. I by no means am passing judgement on anyone's behavior or thoughts just expressing my share of wisdom and experience on the issue/topic.

A wise friend once told me to think my decisions and options through before I made any one final choice. And while weighing all options out seems to work best for those on the TV screen it doesn't always work that way in reality. You see your brain is the strongest muscle you've got and it's so strong that it can make you think and believe anything with the right amount of molding. You can make yourself believe that something is so good for you even when others can see your driving yourself off of a cliff. You can blind yourself and tune out all the good advice your environment is feeding you because your brain has forced your heart and soul to believe something.

See most believe that their hearts desires are usually in conflict with their minds. That their minds tell them whats right and whats good for them, while their hearts tells them what they emotionally want to do. Well I believe your mind fools you twice. It plays a foolish trick. Your mind has you battling yourself over and over again, every time, going down the same insane path and makes you believe that THIS time is different, and THIS time will be better, and the same mistake wont be made THIS time. But after experiencing a life time of insane choices that have left me in the same predicament I say why waste your youth and your time trying to figure out what's good for you?

You will always have the audience of your life sitting and watching pointing out every flaw and mistake that you make. Sitting and dwelling on I told you so's won't get you any where. It may in fact actually drive you insane. There's nothing worse than sitting alone in silence thinking of your mistakes and errors only to re-travel down the same path in the future. Don't stay trapped trying to re-create an epic love story or be something that someone has told you to be. Don't keep trying to do what's good for you… just be. Just be, and just do and you'll eventually find your way.

Titles

So I'm up late and have an interview at 9am. Instead of surfing the emptiness of any "social networks" or forcing myself to sleep I decided to do something a little more productive.

What's in a Title? Some girls and guys feel like if a title is not given to the situation they are in then it is not real or should not be thoroughly respected. I have two opposing thoughts on the issue based off of many different experiences in the past. I've never been one to need a title placed on anything. I know who I am and don't feel the need to be defined by another. While being the "girlfriend" or the "wifey" is nice what does the title change? Does it add exclusivity to the relationship? Can adding a title actually place a curse on the relationship due to the fears and responsibilities that come along with it?

Some men and women operate better when the status of the relationship is left open ended. The behavior is there, the feelings and emotions are there but the official title is lacking in their courtship. Does that make what they share any less important than someone who has been in an official relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I have heard instances where couples have been together for decades and once they walk down the aisle and place that title of man and wife on their relationship it comes to an unfortunate emotional and highly financial dissolution. Does being your boyfriend or girlfriend make the kiss that much sweeter, the love that much stronger and the heartbreak that much easier?

Personally I have been on both sides of the fence and can say without a doubt that the necessity of titles is subjective. It all depends on who your with and how you two operate together. Some people need the security blanket of that title to perform their womanly and manly deeds as a significant other. Others know that whether or not they are introduced as a friend or as a boyfriend/ girlfriend that at the end of the day that person's heart undoubtedly remains with them through thick and thin. I once heard a good friend argue that "nothing will change by me asking you out so why do you need to be my girlfriend so bad". Unfortunately he was wrong and duped. With that title came great drama and issues that were not present with that title remaining absent. Whose to say it just wasn't a matter of time for the relationship to come to an end but the timing could not have been more off.

I have also witnessed another good friend suffer greatly because the title wasn't put in place leaving doubts, insecurities, and fears to cause minor deterioration in the already fragile state of the relationship. The addition of that title could save it from falling apart but is that safe/healthy? Does it have something to do with a timeline? After a certain amount of time is the title supposed to fall into place and just be assumed or should we remain in the 1920s and wait for the question to be asked?

My final thoughts on this topic after giving it much though and experiencing every aspect on the spectrum. Titles have the tendency to complicate a flourishing relationship that is blossoming into something potentially extraordinary. I do admit that after a certain amount of the time the flourishing relationship must go through deep conversation and careful consideration as to whether or not it is strong enough to sustain the hardships, scrutiny, and responsibilities of an official title. With that being said don't jump into a relationship because that is what will complete you. Don't attempt to solve your internal issues by being someones girlfriend or boyfriend. Live for yourself first and everything else will fall into place.

MJB

Promiscuity

I just want to say I'm no preacher and definitely not without sin. I give this warning now because I don't want to come out as judgmental or mean. With that said I begin the topic of promiscuity. What's the point? Both men and women do it, it's not something that ONLY men do so let's get that out of our one track minds. Women do it just as much as men do and I know that for a fact. I just don't understand what is the point in sleeping around and even the people you've given yourself too laugh and want nothing to do with you. How does it feel to never be the girl/boyfriend just the girl/boy that was used.

After attending a small university with an even smaller African American population the web that has been created is amazingly sad and embarrassing. Six degrees of separation would ruin alot of friendships if the complete truth were to ever be discussed. While attending several different events during the summer it was brought to my attention through jokes and tears who has slept with each other and who would be destroyed if they ever found out the truth. I am not perfect again I'll repeat but no man or woman can ever use more than one hand to count how many people I've slept with and I can also safely say that no one can sit back at a party and laugh while they count the amount of people I've slept with in one room that all know and associate with each other.

So again I ask why put yourself in that position? Why make your self vulnerable to the harsh words of your so called friends who actually make fun of you behind your back every chance they get. What makes it worse for the ladies in these situations is the guys in their loving relationships do their dirt, and go back to their girlfriends and you are still left to clean up the mess and lose friendships due to the fact of your secret life. I really do feel sorry for both parties though and I realize this more and more every day that you're not in control of your sexuality because you decide who you open your legs to. And you're damn sure not the man for taking everything with a vagina "down". Besides STD's and pregnancy, your playing around with peoples emotions.

I don't really use or throw around the word whore but I do believe in a time and place for everything. I have friends that have numbers in the teens and twenty's…and while we joke around they know who they are. So this leads me to another question. Is it a lifestyle choice or the way you carry yourself. While I don't know certain male or female's #'s I'm less inclined to consider them "whores" in my mind while others that is the first thing that comes to mind. Is it the way they carry themselves, the things they say, the scandals they've been apart of? And is that even fair to them? If person A has slept with 40 people has a PHD, a car, a job, and decent conversation and person B has slept with 15 people, no car, no job, sounds like an idiot and dresses like a slut does that make them more of a whore? The answer SHOULD be no but in society's eyes they are worse.

Well… that's just the way it goes but a word to the wise for future events:

"Flaunt a cute butt hide a FAT gut"

MJB

Twitter…

I'd rather write and express something meaningful rather than have people following nonsense and promoting stalking. Don't get me wrong I appreciate Twitter for what it is… a PROMOTERS dream! Free advertising, a cash cow to say the least. Now some of you will say I'm hating, or I'll fall victim to the tweet but those of you saying that are those that just don't know me. I'm someone who likes to think logically and if doesn't make sense then it just isn't for me. The only relationship between twitter and I that would have made sense was if I had bought stock in it early because TWITTER is making the big bucks and so are other multi billion dollar companies that celebrities promote for in their tweets in order to get free merchandise. So as all the self righteous people on Twitter comment about how: the government is tracking our activity, or that BET and MTV are corrupting our youth, that young kids today are just not the future leaders of America… how can they be when they're constantly being told to "follow me"

Follow the leader is a game we play as children and should have hopefully been outgrown as we entered adolescence but instead that game can be found on Twitter. I'm sure many of you are thinking well Facebook is just as bad and that may be true to a certain extent. But I do not recall Twitter reuniting family members after the earthquake in Haiti, I also do not remember Twitter raising over a million dollars for the American Breast Cancer Fund, nor do I remember Twitter creating the largest suicide prevention group that helped saved thousands of adolescents. Perhaps since I am not on Twitter then I don't know of the amazing wonders they have accomplished for society but this your oppurtunity… this is your chance to tell me what positive has Twitter done for the world… better yet what has it done for you?

I am no hypocrite I do know that these social networks provide entertainment through boredom but let's just for one second act like the world is bigger than our hand held devices and that there's so many other things to go out and do that you don't have to go and tell people your doing on Twitter. Just food for thought…

*And if any of my Florida buddies go on their twitter's while on vacation...