Monday, September 24, 2012

Love the way society tells you to

"Loving someone is not the same as being in love with someone" 
                 So often we become slaves to what society tells us were supposed to do and what were supposed to feel, that we forget the most important factor of being truly alive. We focus on pleasing others rather than focusing on what makes us truly happy. I'd like to immediately take the time out to clarify what I mean by true happiness vs what we consider to be happiness, when in reality it is just immediate gratification. I am in no way shape or form condoning or promoting unfaithfulness or promiscuity. Happiness can not be achieved by jumping from body to body and that type of behavior is often the reaction to something much deeper than just casual sex. I do however promote to my friends, family, and especially my impressionable adolescent students that you can not achieve true happiness if you do not know what it is that you want, where it is that you want to go, and the steps you need to get there. That often means unfortunately letting go of what it is that everyone thinks were supposed to be doing, or who were supposed to be with.
            As young adults it is a sad but true fact that there is a constant pressure placed on us by society to follow the route laid out before us by those who think they have all the answers. Your significant other must fit the mold in order to please your parents, your friends, your co workers and just about any one else you may encounter on your roads together. We all would like to think that we choose our partners based on love and compatibility but there is a checks and balances system that plays within our heads from the moment you both have encountered one another. Does he/she have a job, have a car, make money? As we get older the superficial questions transform and become: Were they raised in a loving family, are their religious beliefs compatible with mine, do they have a degree, do they want children...etc? It's hard to think of a time when I have encountered someone that has had the potential to become more than a friend, that hasn't faced the mental inquisition of at least one or more of the previous questions.  I'm not saying having certain standards or wants is a bad thing. I do however feel that once these standards created absolutely by society play a part in controlling your happiness that is where the problem begins.
            Refusing to take a chance on someone who doesn't fit into a neat checklist that you have created in your mind is just as bad as holding on to someone who does fit into that checklist. Often I find people stay in relationships or refuse to enter into a relationship because of what others may think or see. I have had countless of conversations with my peers in which we have come to agree that our parental acceptance of our significant others is a key factor as to whether the relationship will work out. I've also encountered conversations in which my friends remain in relationships because they are socially accepted within their circle, though they are completely unhappy with what the relationship has become. Daily monotonous "Good Morning" texts or "I Love You's" have taken then place of truly being IN love. Learning to love someone because they fit into the life you think you are supposed to be living is not the same as being completely and utterly happy to be in love with someone.
            The only thing promised to us from the time that we are born... is death. Whatever else it is that we do with our lives along the journey is a choice that we must make and live with on our own. Life is too unpredictable to spend one moment of that precious time complicating it or being unhappy. There are so many responsibilities that we have to do in order to even consider doing what it is that we want to do. I think it is important to throw out the rule book from time to time and spend some time being in love rather than telling our selves that we love who we are or that we love who we're with. Take the time to be in love with being in love don't become a  mindless fool that does everything society tells you is socially acceptable.      

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