Closing Time

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end…"

This is such a bittersweet blog to write. Let me quickly say before anyone panics… I am going to continue to blog and discuss all of my experiences and the random ramblings that come to mind. I've been writing on this blog for almost three months now. I still remember sitting down to write that first blog… and I was in such a dark weird alienated place at that time that writing was my only outlet. I recently read my very first post and cringed at out how self righteous I sounded babbling at the horrors associated with a social media tool that I myself was forced into using for the first time this year. Then I continued down memory lane.  Reading my older posts brought me right back to the moments, memories, and situations I was thinking about and going through. I enjoyed taking a step back to look the last three years of my life doing something I was so in love with doing. It was amazing to see my writing voice change and channel new growth and learned experiences. This blog is very much a part of who I am and what I do. I get excited knowing when I experience a new high or low that I can share that with people who are interested in what I have to say… or I should say write.

With all of this said … life only progresses when we accept  change and adapt. The demand and frequency for my writing has greatly increased over the past few months and will continue to do so. With that in mind I want to make it as easy as possible for me to keep up with these demands in all aspects without letting my audience as well as myself down. I never want to and I never will quit blogging for myself. The therapeutic process is not one that I wish to ever do without. Therefore I've decided to move to a different blogging service provider in order to increase my opportunity to reach more viewers while still maintaining substantial writing in my own manner. The functionality and convenience will enable me to continue providing quality writing. I appreciate all of the love, support, comments, promotion, and feedback that I've received over the years and can not wait to continue to open doors to meaningful conversations.

You can now read my random musings at: www.mjbthone.wordpress.com
All of my previous blogs that are on this current blog have been exported to the new blog so you do not have to worry about losing access to my previous writing. And again I say… thank you!

Twitter/Instagram/Tumblr: @mjbthone

New blog: www.mjbtheone.wordpress.com

Official Blogger For Hot 97's Dj Bobby Trends: www.djbobbytrends.com/blog

Executive Blogger for Dj Kev White: www.iamkevwhite.com

Co-Founder Of Trials N Tresses: www.trialsntresses.com

Defining Template

"There are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like"

About three weeks ago I fell asleep on a Saturday evening rather early even by my standards. I randomly woke up at 3am to an overwhelming amount of text messages from various group chats mostly pertaining to the current NBA playoffs. As I feigned interest in the random messages and musings of my friends I reached an extremely long individual text. I thought about momentarily disregarding the message until I fully woke up the next morning strictly due to the immensity of that text bubble. For a reason unbeknownst to even myself I decided to tackle the text in essay format incase it was an emergency or extremely interesting story that couldn't wait until the morning. What I got was neither an emergency or gossip filled story… what I got was much better. I received a bit of insight, but more so confirmation to what I feared I already knew.  

"These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable."

I've included a small excerpt of what I received, but I read and read and re-read that text for what seemed like forever. I then decided to take this one step further. The words took such a firm grasp on my thoughts I decided to share them to hear the thoughts and opinions of others. After many immediate "wows" and "thats true" responses, the conversations grew into a deeper place that most people don't like to think about let alone go back to.  Though the text was perceived from many differing perspectives, the general consensus was in agreement with the overall message that author of these words was trying to get across. We all have that ONE person who defines what love is for us whether we want to admit it or not. This one person subconsciously controls how we communicate and deal with people we choose to interact with on a romantic level. Undoubtedly each person I sent this text to was able to immediately select who that person was for them, and reflect on the progress or damage that particular person may have caused.

The main goal wasn't to rehash old feelings or bring up long forgotten and buried memories, it was and opportunity to realize that the one person that has set the template for how we view and approach love is only the gun shot at the beginning of your race. They are not your finish line. The ideals, and standards you possess are tied to them in some way but that doesn't define where or who you will end up with. My most interesting conversation and perceptive view on the matter came from a close friend who initially struggled with the concept of what this message was relaying to its audience. The person who defines love for her is not the person she is with. These two men can actually be defined as the exact opposite of one another, however the person she is currently with is the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. How could this be?! This brought an in-depth conversation surrounding the concept of using your template to steer you in the opposite direction of how that love was defined and portrayed. Using this person doesn't necessarily have to constrict you to finding, shaping, or molding a love like the one you initially had. It could be just the opposite. Their love can help steer you in a new direction that is predominately productive for the life you are trying to live and the love you know you deserve. There is a great difference between thinking and knowing and that template should be used to help you "know" for certain who or what it is that you want.  

And it is with that I end my thoughts on this particular passage as I do not fully agree with the ending. I don't think having a particular person "control" or "define" how I see things in regards to love as a loss.  That however is because I tend to classify everything as a learning experience rather than a loss or a regret. At one particular time it was a gain, it was what I wanted therefore I can not regret the fleeting moments that have passed. I see this definer as just that a definition. A group of words/ thoughts/ feelings/ actions placed together to give a particular thing or feeling a meaning. In my world the definer doesn't get to dictate its use as that is completely up to me. I choose rather to appreciate the lessons taught and use them accordingly for future reference. With that power in my choice that can never be a loss.

"The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."

Generation Live Fast & Die Young

               I've always been fascinated as to what my current generation would be known for or leave behind after we were no longer the pinnacle center fold of society's admiration and high expectations. What would the current "it" generation do during the "best times of our lives" that would leave a mark for future generations to marvel at. It seems that we have become the generation that is the cause and leader of the trending live fast and die young mantra. This goes beyond the "YOLO" craze that generations behind us are currently grasping to, as I believe we've actually done just the opposite of everything "YOLO" stands for. We aren't taking risks simply for thrills and enjoyment as I believe we understand that you don't live once, you live every day. Death is the simple finite conclusion to life that only occurs once, and its constant presence on the horizon doesn't bother this generation in the slightest.
In fact we have so openly embraced that the end is inevitable we have become obsessed with the living part… but at what cost?

It seems as though after several conversations, reflections, and introspective thoughts I've realized that mentally at merely twenty four, I as well as others in my surrounding age group are experiencing early onset midlife crises. We have become masters at cramming every life changing experience into our twenties because we have been told that this is our peak, our moment, and everything else is down hill from here. We seize every opportunity, dive into every moment as if it were our last because the internal clocks of this generation are ticking at a remarkably quick pace. Why? Because we, myself very much included, as a generation do not see a world or a life past fifty. Not only do we not see it we also do not want to see it. There is no desire to live gracefully into old age but rather to crash and blaze into a rapid end that will be remembered as such. In doing so we believe we will be memorialized in our eternal youth as trendsetters, innovators, experimenters tied in to failures and debts.

Unfortunately that is not how generations before us see our burning desire. They see us struggling and pushing forward and they are saddened for us. They can't understand why we believe that in our mid 20s we are unaccomplished and have already failed at life. What they see as just the beginning we see as half done. I sat down and considered that it is possibly a regional trend or quite possibly an issue that only involves those I choose to surround myself with. But after careful consideration and analysis I've realized that everyone within my age range that I've encountered from every walk of life is contributing in some capacity to the live fast die young mantra. We are all in some way facing a self created war battling against our own time restraints, in which we hustle at full capacity until we reach our burn out point. The drive and motivation is there but a sense of reality and patience is absent in our journeys. How did this happen? How did we become so used to feeling unaccomplished?

My theory for myself that may potentially be accurate for most is the false promises and pretenses that were created by what society placed in front of me during my adolescence. Everything seemed cut and dry, a simple process, specific steps to success that would be easily attained. I was always shown that education was the key that unlocked everything. Go to school, do well, and you won't have to work very hard after that. As a first generation child going to school in America I ate up all of the hype and wound up neck deep in one of the worst economic time periods we've seen. My piece of the American Dream that was offered to me so effortlessly at 17 had been ripped out of my hands by 21. As I proudly walked across that stage during the commencement ceremony, I not only had two degrees under my belt, but I also had no job offers, and a slew of student loan debt collectors knocking on my door before my degree was even in the mail.

Thats where the moment began for many, with a piece of paper that meant nothing but cost everything. A piece of paper that they claimed would change our entire lives, did just that, it woke us up to the reality of what we had to face in the real world. We didn't choose to the juxtaposition from college life to adult life, we were told we'd be prepared. And now with less and less opportunity many are stuck in "jobs" unrelated to their field, "jobs" that can barely sustain their meek lifestyles. That is not what we signed up for and as a mere sense of adaptation we have taken on the pressures of those much older than us. This generation has found it necessary to double up in which they do what they have to do in order to do what they want to do or like to do. It is an unforgiving world and we have relentlessly changed our whole outlook on what the world has to offer because the carpet has already been ripped from under us once before. We can not wait to see our dreams unfold in our 30s, 40s,  or 50s. For us the time is and always will be NOW.  

Chemistry, History, Safety Net

             "There is a difference in who we long for, who we settle for, and who we are meant for"

I ran into this quote not too long ago and I began to think in a perfect world how amazing it would be if the person you want, meant for, and settle for were the same person. Unfortunately we do not live in a perfect world. It's a devastating thought to think, and even worse to admit to yourself whether it is in regards to a relationship or any other decision making aspect in your life that there is usually going to be  a myriad of choices you could/ should/ want and ultimately make. No one wants to admit that they've taken the easy road frequently traveled by those who can not obtain what it is or who it is they truly want or know they are meant for. Too often decisions and choices are directly filtered into perfectly precise boxes without the realization that life isn't meant to fit into a specific precise perfect box, it is meant to be messy, you are meant to fight. You can go down the route that you are comfortable with and build your safety net, though deep down you know you will never truly be happy because you are learning to accept your decision rather than living your decision. There is also the scarier options of throwing yourself out on a limb in order to to grab what it is that you want or believe you are destined to have. But which decision is most fair to yourself and other parties involved?

Settling: When you've finally admitted to yourself that you've settled there are constant reminders that make it difficult to truly indulge in who or what you've settled for. I've heard many argue the fact that not everyone gets what it is that they want or gets their first choice whether it be with a romantic partner or the school you so desperately want to attend. Not everyone is bitter about what they have settled for and can learn to love the decision they have made. Of course this is true as humans with free will we can most certainly adapt and condition ourselves to being comfortable with our own decisions. Hell if criminals can rationalize their behavior we can certainly rationalize attending our second choice schools, and marrying someone who you are certain will love and provide for you forever. The only thing you must be concerned/worried about when settling is how it affects the way your legacy is told. When your story gets passed down from generation to generation will you be proud that "you made the best out of the situation" or "applied to only safety schools for fear of rejection from your dream school", or most heartbreaking "you learned to love your husband/wife over time".  Is that fair to your legacy or the other person involved?

History & Chemistry: Usually those we settle for fall short in one or two of the most often used categories in determining whether this is someone we want/long for or someone we know we are meant for. These categories are "someone you have immense history with" and "someone you have immense chemistry with". They are often interchanged and can co exist within one person. The things and people you want or believe you are destined for often seem to have strong ties and connections that can not be explained. Yet we settle for those that do not possess these categories as strongly as others for many uncontrollable factors. You can have all the chemistry and history with a person in the world and still be unable to "seal the deal" so to say because of fears of failed attempts, rejection by one party involved" "right love wrong time", or "other" situations that prevent a full blown connection. So is it fair to put your life on hold and patiently wait for the person you want or are meant for to finally realize the same? Should you move forward and settle down with someone who initially makes you happy/complete while you still desire any fleeting moment to connect with the person you truly want?

As with many life situations there is no finite simple solution or answer. With any choice there is a consequence, every action causes a reaction. Sometimes the person you want isn't the right person for you. The person you think is meant for you could possibly be meant for someone else. And sometimes the person you settle for could be the person who saves you from your own destruction. With every matter of the heart you must think with your head as well. My personal opinion on the matter is deeply rooted in the following quote: "Unless it is a mad, passionate, extraordinary love, It's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them" At the simple age of 24 I believe in being my own safety net. I don't know where my thoughts, values, and opinions on the matter will carry me to years from now, but today now in the present at 24 the simplicity of my wants, and destined desires, lie strictly in a connection unmatched by anything else in life.  It must make me laugh, make me cry, make me proud, make me happy, angry, make me want to be a better person, but most importantly make me feel infinitely alive.

"you I think you're super so much I had to pursue I don't believe the things they say or the football teams rumors…"

"...My im name is MsLuna you can hit me after six" ♥

-MJB

Album Review: How I Viewed the 20/20 Experience

I try to avoid writing album reviews for many reasons. In fact in the near three years of this blog's existence I have actually posted only one other album review about the Jay Z/ Kanye collabo "Watch The Throne" back in 2011. With all of the buzz,hype, and billboard breaking records surrounding this long awaited album I figure I'd listen to the 20/20 experience from a non biased standpoint in order to provide a true musical critique.

So where exactly to start? I suppose at the beginning would be just a good a place as any other. Before I sit down to review an album I follow a specific basic, yet time consuming regime. I actually listen to the album in its entirety three times. With song length averaging close to six and a half minutes long the ten track album provided me with a 4.5 hour JT marathon listening session. Timberlake seemed to face the same situation that many R&B artists face when creating new material for an upcoming album: what do I talk about? The dangerous question artists must answer in releasing follow up albums is whether they use the same formula and topics that brought them great success on their previous albums, or do they veer left and face the chance of a crumbling career. Somehow JT managed to give us a little bit of both worlds while avoiding simply repackaging what we've already expected from him or the radio.

"The 20/20 Experience" carries us through our normal share of sexually charged drug referenced innuendos, love ballads, and party/club anthems. So what makes this album different from any other R&B albums? The same thing that makes anything different from anything. It's not what you say, or what you talk about but how you say it, how you package itm and how you roll it out. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland have indeed renewed their signature sounds with drums and horns over those tight beats that we loved on "Future Sex/Love Sounds".   Tracks like "Don't Hold The Wall" and "Let The Groove Get In" bring us right back to the "My Love" vibe we could not get out of our heads back in 2006.  JT did manage to still show musical depth and growth on tracks like "That Girl" and "Dress On" while he effortlessly croons over their melodic jazz and blues under tones.

However with all the great theatricality and show stopping he has put and will continue to put into the videos, performances, and I'm sure in the upcoming "Legends" tour with Jay Z there is one thing missing from the "20/20 Experience". The vulnerability and passion that came along and through the music with Justin's ballads on "Justified" and "Future Sex/Love Sounds". While we may see the old Justin come through in live performances the recorded ballads on the album do not bring forth the emotion that Justin is trying to elicit from songs such as "Space Ship Coupe" or "Strawberry Bubblegum". While we generally received less ballads than we are accustomed to on this album the only two that come close to his previous successes are the recently released single "Mirror" and "9 Blue Ocean Floor".  I do not suggest going into this album looking for anything parallel to "Cry Me A River", "Never Again" or "What Goes Around…". I guess it would only make sense as Justin is in a much different place in his life therefore his topics and expressions of them would have to differ as well. We would just hate to see Justin lose the battle against his musically emotional and vulnerable competitors such as Robin Thicke, Miguel, and Frank Ocean that bring forth just about every emotion passionately on 99 percent of their songs ballad or not.  

Overall Justin Timberlake did what he set out to do and provided the listeners with a musical experience unlike anything we are currently bombarded with on the radio. I wasn't blown away or impressed but the music did spark, capture, and manage to maintain my intrigue. This is an album I will recommend to others and play during morning commutes.  Is it a classic album? I wouldn't say so, but it is a pleasant listen and a breath of fresh air from the nonsense we've been receiving lately from entertainers.

Determining value and worth

Most of the time people will tell and show you exactly who they are… it is you that chooses not to listen.

I fight battles to maintain only what I believe is worthy of the fight. We value what it is that we deem to be important. It is as simple as that. No matter how busy, hectic, or upside down our lives may seem we set aside time, no matter how small, for people and things that are valuable in our lives. As I progress further and further away from my adolescent years it has become a difficult transition into the changes that adulthood brings not only in myself but in the people that surround me as well. It is understandable that it will become more difficult to play the same roles that you once played in the past because new responsibilities have taken precedent. However once someone or something is considered a priority you manage to incorporate them in some facet of the 365 days you make your own.  

I by no means am the perfect friend, sister, daughter, writer, or teacher, but these five aspects of my life are the core of who I am. There are times when I forget that one can not properly function with out the others being holistically taken care of as well. While I struggle and must often remind my self to make sure each aspect receives equal attention I am also honest with myself and those around me. There are going to be some weeks where my teaching skills will excel and days when I doubt I am effectively teaching anything at all. There will be times when I am an amazing friend and other times where my friends will barely hear from me. I say this not to make my life seem more than what it really is or to create excuses, I say this more so to state a point. I show the people I value in my life exactly who I am at face value, therefore there is little to no confusion whether I am truly a presence or absence in their lives.  There is always a breaking point to everything and I make sure to never take advantage of the people around me. Going that extra mile to send a random good morning text to a friend, or sitting down for twenty minutes to have a discussion with your siblings are the little efforts that should be made to maintain not only stability but mutual relevance in valued ones lives.        

In the relationships you have taken the time to build you accept the behaviors that you think you deserve. And with this acceptance comes a false premise or pedestal that you place people on and expect them never to fail you. You become trapped in a continuous cycle in which you partake in alternating variances of the same scenarios. That is where the dangers of expectations come into existence. Life is always going to throw a random curve ball into the plans you think you've made. There are going to be people that will consistently disappoint you and there will be people that don't. What you must begin to learn, as I know it is no where near simple, is how to determine your value in other's lives as well as the value people take in yours. I am slowly learning to adjust and adapt to the certain forms of silence that have descended and formed shadows amongst myself and my counterparts. This is the most difficult part of the learning process. This is where you begin to understand and differentiate what different forms of silence mean. Some people grow apart, some people walk apart and these forms of silence are often the most deafening and irreversible. And sometimes silence is just that silent. Nothing more nothing less, and when that final silence is broken everything falls back into place like it was never there in the first place. When you've come to realize which form of silence you have encountered that is when you will be able to determine your importance in someone else's life.

It is understandable especially during the responsibility filled times we are all currently facing that certain people, things, and activities will not be given as much precedent as before, or as others. After all everything and every moment can not be weighed equally. Do not misconstrue busyness as a form of progress or success because when you've finally reached the finish line it is the celebration at the end with those you value that will truly make you feel victorious. You don't want a crowd of people at your finish line that don't truly care to basque in your success and you most certainly don't want to be at the end alone.  

Should you ever be satisfied?

"At some point you have to choose between life and fiction. The two are very close, but they never actually touch"

Like many of my great writing ideas it most often begins with a discussion amongst a group of people with differing personalities, levels of intellect, morality, or more simply put the few I call friends.  The topic of satisfaction came to play within one of my recent daily bouts. Is it okay to never be satisfied? Is there an appropriate time to just sit back and say okay I've done what I've set out to do I am satisfied. Or should we constantly be in a battle to obtain more, reach for more, strive for greatness beyond what the world says is within our reach? I didn't know exactly how to answer these questions and wasn't even really sure how to initially approach the topic.

As a high school teacher and a person who lives strictly by a series of quotes and lyrics, I was very torn by the black and white capacity of the topic. It seemed to me at the time that there were only two options that would lead to only two outcomes in regards to satisfaction. You're either a person who is never satisfied with life and are always in search of the next success, or you're someone who is easily satisfied and has settled comfortably into their current life status. With the stigmas placed on both of those options I didn't personally know which way I wanted to be categorized. If I chose the first then it meant that I wasn't happy or fulfilled with the life successes I had already obtained in my short 24 years of life. The latter option meant that I was a settler and became comfortable in my own mediocrity. With my only two options being unhappiness or mediocrity I forced myself to push the thought process behind this a bit further.  

I think what it comes down to for me personally is a matter of acceptance and understanding. I fully understand that in society's equation of my life I am merely a list of graduated accomplishments tied down by debt, with underachieving moments factored in, wrapped up tightly into a laughable tax bracket. And that is fine. My societal equation minimally factors into the reality of my reality as I know that I am not simply a list of things that I have done or have not done. That is where the understanding comes in. However my input into my own life comes directly from what I can and can not accept by the time I've reached the end of my timeline. I can not accept that at 24 I've contributed the best of me to the world therefore I do take every opportunity in stride as to not look back ten, fifteen, twenty years from now and say "I wish I had given that a shot". So often we find ourselves becoming observers of everything including our own lives. We get wrapped up in letting life just happen to us that we don't continue to fight and pursue what it is that we desire. We get to a point where we say okay this is it, I've come as far as I can and then we step back years from now only to regret the shots we did not take.

But that does not mean that I am unhappy as my happiness stems from several different facets involved in life. True success can not be skewed to one ideal but is more a holistic sense of completion. I can accept many things including failure and I know that some things will just never happen no matter how hard I try. But in twenty five years if I never accomplished one of my goals but have a track record of continuous efforts and attempts then I will be completely satisfied knowing I tried...

               "He should've been someone everyone knows. Yeah… so what happened?- Life."

If Not Now… Then When

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday…"

I must say with the whirlwind my life has become lately I'm becoming more and more accustomed to keeping up with life rather than blazing a trail and enjoying it. I've always told myself that once I started to complain more often than not about the challenges life possesses, that I was doing myself a great disservice.  With mile long to do lists, lesson planning, tenure preparation, and running errands it seems that I've spent every waking moment making sure I don't fall behind in what is expected of me. I've been out of touch with the small yet significant connections that connect me strongly to my humanity in its simplest form. While constantly running around with my head spinning, mind racing, heels clicking, or jumpman rapidly pounding the pavement my newest catchphrase has become "I don't have time". It seems I have ejected myself from social settings and events, and even the simplest and most therapeutic of activities such as blogging have become far and few. With not enough time for what seems to be every single life occurrence that may come my way, I have become a shadow in society rapidly allotting the most basic and minimal parts of me in order to capitalize on what has become most precious: time.  

What I've initially failed to understand is I am not the only person in the world that is busy, that has been busy, and I will not be the last. There is no uniqueness to my situation, rather more so an ignorance to the fact that many great important things can be accomplished on a daily basis once you take into consideration what is truly important. Putting such heavy value on every facet of your daily life leaves you physically, mentally, and emotionally drained by the end of that day. With everything's importance equally weighed it has made it impossible for me to keep up with myself therefore causing immense moments of defeat that lead to procrastination. I've always felt that having lists and being extremely organized would prevent the disease that is procrastination. Unbeknownst to myself at the time the exact opposite occurred due to the extremity of the schedule I created for myself.  

“There’s no substitute for being there. The power of being there and the power of not being there are equally enormous.”  

As I become more health conscious I've realized that I must also be more concerned with a holistic sense of health rather than simply focusing on the physical. I've realized that not having "time" for any and everything is undoubtedly taking me out of the moment, out of the "now", and most importantly taking me out of my life. I can not afford to lose touch with the important pieces that have helped to build and create the person I have become. In month two of the new year I slowly but surely have realized that I have turned my back on my 113th goal for the year which was to "be present and play more." It seems I've done just the opposite and taken on a load that may or may not be too heavy to successfully carry.  I end this blog clearly stating I do not have difficulties with work, as I believe hard work leads to opportunity. I've got a whole life ahead of me to constantly wait,  or to make plans and provisions, but I've only got right now to be in the now.  With great certainty I know I will not allow myself to procrastinate or  hinder being in the present and the now… because if I am not living in the now and embracing the beauty that is around me I do not know when I will I ever have the time to do so again.

       

"Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination: never putt off till tomorrow what you can do today"

The One

"What if the person you're meant to spend the rest of your life with is already a part of your life… and you just don't know it yet"

              Though I am not a major believer in fate as I believe more so in the power of choice, I do take the concept into consideration for many conversations and arguments. The latest discussion surrounding the concepts of fate, chance, or choice revolves around the ever so interesting idea of finding "the one". I've come across many questions such as: "How do you know when you've found the one?", "Do you really think there is only one person out there for you?", and "What if I already have encountered the one but I just don't know it yet?". Since I am the exact opposite of a credible relationship guru or therapist I give the most honest answer that I can possibly think of: I don't know. People change, life happens, and many times "the one" becomes just "another one" in the continuous search to find "the one". However I am no cynic when it comes to the possibilities of finding that one special person as I have several prime examples of fruition from close friends, and most importantly my parents who will be celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary this upcoming March. I know that it is quite possible because I have seen it, but I do not diminish the difficulty in finding such an occurrence. 

             After several conversations I've come to the conclusion that there is no set answer or format to obtain what so many desire. There is no recipe to follow, and every person I spoke to had a different outlook on what they believe leads to a successful relationship. Of this I was already aware as I am certain no one supports their relationship in the manner that my parents do, or the way my best friend's parents do, or even my closest friends. What I truly found interesting within this line of questioning and discussion, in regards to this topic was with all of the varying ideals there was one thing everyone agreed upon: the idea that there is only one person out there for you. That means out of the billions of people in the world there is one single perfect match that makes all headaches, stress, and anger worth dealing with because the rewarding overall outcome makes all other people irrelevant. Anyone who knows me knows I've never been one for math but I have always been interested in the statistics and probability that define the likelihood of instances occurring. So I sat and ran with these numbers in my head before beginning this blog, and I thought about how mathematically challenging it is to find this "one" within a timeframe that allows for a lifetime to be shared together. 

             Some people begin at a much earlier time period with elementary, jr high, high school, and college love. Others stumble onto their "one" much later in life, which leads me to my final question. We spend our lives for the most part surrounded by people. Whether it be friends, family, acquaintances, co workers, school mates… we live our lives in  constant contact with people that have some sort of an affect.  One of my friends brings up the "friend zone" situation which is the cause of many issues when it leads to arriving at the destination of "the one". So often the people we are constantly encountering are the ones we overlook most often as a choice for crossing into a new category.  It is often a mixture of fear, disinterest, bad timing, and on occasion complete ignorance that prevents many possible beautiful outcomes from even beginning. We've all heard the stories of people finding true love with a person they have known for years as we have also heard just as many horror stories of how friendships were ruined because of a failed attempt. If all of mankind is truly searching for "the one" as I have heard they are, I do believe that this is a chance and a choice that should be taken equally by both parties involved if we are to statistically sway the bell curve into our favor. Unfortunately for the hopeless romantics I do not think fate has a thing to do with whether or not your true love ever makes it out of the friend zone, or whether you find him/her five years from now in a club. I think hard work and effort should get more credit for bringing you together with "the one".

                  We have people walk in and out on a daily basis, and I have a difficult time accepting that fate takes the time to push one of these people into my life as "the one" I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I've never been the type to think that something new is always better than something old so I very much believe that someone I've been building as a stable part of my life for the past 2, 5, 7, 10, 15 years could very well be the person I spend the rest of my life with. This is a choice that is made and developed it is not a disease that you catch over night. I could also very well meet someone tomorrow and choose to build the rest of my life with that person. Every thing is a choice and my overall view on the situation is at the end of the day you can choose to make every single romantic encounter bloom into a relationship with "the one" but if that person doesn't make the same choice this is where we end up with infidelity and the "all women/men are the same" attitudes. Be careful with your heart, be mindful of who you give it to, and be weary of labeling everyone as "The One" because forever… is a very long time. 

MJB        

Hip Hop: A culture dumbed down

Hip Hop: A culture and form of ground breaking music and self expression with elements that consist of the elements of graffiti, art, DJ’ing, MC’ing, and breaking.

We have come a long way from this definition and are now dealing with a newly found genre being disguised behind the title of hip-hop. It is safe to say every generation will have its highs and lows music wise that will spark the “back in the day”… conversation. The awful reality we must face is back in all of our days there was a healthy balance of foolishness and true art. We’ve transcended past the Mc Hammer/ Vanilla Ice days where the catchy foolishness was enough to still leave a classic appreciation for what it is they created. I find it difficult in this current state of hip hop to appreciate any of the “music” being created lately that strictly caters to the ladies hitting the pole on a nightly basis. I am by no means an elaborate feminist as I too have given in to countless songs that explicitly direct me to pop, drop, and twerk body parts on the dance floor. I will not stand to be a hypocrite in any sense of the word, but when you take into consideration the popularity of artists like 2 Chainz and French Montana in comparison to lets say a less vulgar more conscious Lupe Fiasco, its easy to see what this current generation wants to see, hear, and support.

And while there isn’t one specific person or group to blame for the destruction of what once used to be a beautiful art form I am extremely content with pointing the finger at the nonsense on the radio and the hype that surrounds it. You cannot spend an hour listening to the radio without running into the ignorant ramblings of 2 Chainz telling us how much he “love dem’ strippers”, or French Montana asking what I’m “twerkin’” with. We have reached a simplistic format that rewards a lack of talent and skill and promotes a hot beat, a catchy line, and a fat ass. Lets not get it twisted ignorance has been very much alive in hip hop from its birth and has always been acceptable to a certain extent. But for every “Baby Got Back” that was released we had twice the amount of “Brenda Got a Baby” and “ Fight the Power”. Moderation was the key to hip hop’s survival as well as the general consensus among the artists that they had to stand for something. Truth is conscious rap doesn’t sell the way it should, and it’s a sad realization for up and coming artists as well as the audiences they want to reach. We’re trapped: you either stand your ground and speak your truth or you sell your soul and dumb it down. “Shedding light and doing right” should be what is different… but instead its putting your “middle finger up to your competition”

It seems we have lost sight of moderate innuendos and landed straight onto an explicit platform that has single handedly sent us back directly into what society has always thought about our culture. Were no longer sending true expressions of who we are as a community, instead the “bling” gets shinier, the pants sag lower, and the skirts get tighter. Have we finally reached the end of what hip hop started out as? An outlet of self-expression, a journey from the struggle for acceptance that has now become big booty hoes and strippers dancing for bands. Is this what our culture is now based on? Is this what we want people around the world to label hip-hop as? Have we all just accepted labeling ourselves as cokeboys, and pimps? Or have we reached a new pinnacle, a turning point so to say in which we must leave the cultural past of what hip-hop was and embrace what we have allowed hip-hop to become?

Jordan: The Voice of a young nation

It is with caution and care that I write about the following topic as I am under great pressure to meticulously get all of the details correct. I hope I've made you proud...

If you ask people of a certain generation the birth of the Jordan sneaker franchise was more than just a new cool shoe available in the stores. From the moment of production the Jordan franchise became a staple in the culture of a diverse group of a young generation. Having a pair of newly released fresh "Js" on your feet became a symbol of status, and rebellion. You became a walking spokesperson for standing apart from the crowd and walking to the beat of your own drum. It became a part of the Saturday ritual to head out to your nearest sneaker store, get on line with the rest of your counterparts, and hope to God they didn't run out of the size you desperately needed by the time you reached the front of the line. That is and always will be the core of what the brand truly is about.

Unfortunately like many things in our nation, once society grasps on to the pure unadulterated quality  of what the product has to offer it becomes tainted and abused. The quality of what the Jordan brand was, has changed for all of us whether we are apart of the beginning, middle, or tail end of its newly found status. Capitalism is the foundation of what our country is built upon, and after years of slow transition the capitalistic nature of our nation has trickled its way down and intertwined itself into Jordan manufacturing, production, and advertisement. Jordan is no longer a staple of individualism or rebellion, but more so an acceptable symbol of popularity and status within social settings. Having those "Js" on your feet now means that you paid your 175+ dollars to fit in with your matching outfit, and it doesn't matter if you know the basis of where they came from.

Even the drive of the consumer has transformed from friendly competition to full outright business. We have people who aren't concerned with when or where the culture of the Jordan brand derived from, people who don't wear Jordans, and people who don't even know the magic Micheal Jordan created are all after them. Why… because money talks. It used to be people would hesitate to wear their Jordans on the block because they feared someone would steal them. That person would target you because they were unable to afford or obtain them themselves, and desperately wanted that particular pair. Now we have an increase in theft and death not only on the block, but right outside of the store because the after market re-sale value has greatly increased. It is no longer about the love of the sneaker and what it represents, it is now about the love of what it can earn you.

Money is now at the forefront, and the legend that made these sneakers more than just sneakers is often forgotten. So now with all of the news broadcasts looking for a finger to point and blame to pass, judgment is once again being placed upon the backwards thinking of consumer. The consumers that were just merely being born when this legacy was being built are apart of the problem. The corporations such as Nike that release a minimal supply though they know the demand is five times larger then what they release are also apart of the problem. The mom and pops stores that are struggling  that allow for inflated after market resale are another part of the problem. And even those who pay the inflated after market prices, which includes myself, are apart of the problem. With all of these problems where exactly can we begin to even search for a solution to the destruction of what was once a positive staple in the African American community.

It deeply saddens me to think that the new voice that Jordan has taken on will always be related to the profit and not the product. It will always be about matching that new fly outfit and how much of a flip you can make on flight club. There is so much history behind that symbolic jumpman, behind the color schemes and names that go along with each popular release. Jordan helped to build a prideful community that would share cleaning techniques, preservation ideas, and outlandish stories about avoiding damage. Where the Jordan brand once came from and where it is now are definitely not the same… but this is one instance where I hope the history of its does repeat itself.

#113: Be Present and Play More

                  "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation"

         Happy New Year everyone, I hope at day 5 we have all still maintained our resolutions and goals.   Personally I haven't made any resolutions this year, I don't even believe that I've made any resolutions in the past five years. I do however consistently use the month of January to compile my yearly goals that I work towards achieving by December 31st. I not only use the entire month to compile the list I also take a look back at the previous year's list to see what was accomplished and what is still left to do. Without fail every year there are always several goals left over that I fall just short of reaching. It isn't as depressing a process as it may sound, but more so a trip down memory lane and a learning experience.

I increase the amount of goals I'd like to achieve by one each year in order to always strive for more or better than what I've already done. So this year I have 113 slots to fill with dreams, aspirations, objectives, and goals. I have 113 different opportunities to reach out and do, feel, and think about things differently than I have before. I have decided that the goal I'd like to add into that new 113th spot is: "to play more". In 2012 I learned, experienced, and achieved so many wonderful things that have provided me with opportunities to further my long term career and life goals. The positive aspects however did not come without consequences. I found myself plowing through deadlines, meetings, and classes without ever coming up for air. Even in social settings my mind was often focused on the next bill I would have to pay, or the amount of sleep I would need to get in order to get up for work the next day. Being present in the moment was very difficult for me in 2012 as emails and text messages interrupted every aspect in the "living" part of life.

In the last few weeks of 2012 I sat down with three close friends on three separate occasions that think and live completely different lives. We sat together in moments of stress, relaxation, and holiday celebrations and at the end of each encounter I realized they were more alike than I thought. With wisdom beyond their years, they all subconsciously reminded me that plans and provisions shouldn't be the only part of my life. I was placing too much value into one aspect of who I am and painfully forgetting that I am deeply loved for who I am at the core not just the surface. The core of who I am  doesn't revolve around how many emails I can send or how many problems I can solve in one day. The core of who I am is wrapped up in experiencing everything life has to offer and losing sight of that would drastically change the person I am.

At 24 its hard for me to realize that taking myself or life too seriously hinders true appreciation of life and all it has to offer. I don't plan on losing my focus but I do plan on allotting more time to just live. My calendar doesn't have to be jam packed in order for me to consider myself as productive. Valuing the "oh shit" and "did that just happen" moments are just as important to acknowledge and celebrate as the planned successes and triumphs you achieve. My mental, physical, and emotional health must all be tended to equally and with the addition of more play time I believe I will be doing just that.


"it is a happy talent to know how to play…"
MJB