The importance of independence

"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary"

-Steve Jobs

There have been many theories as to why my writing has been so sparse as of late. A strikingly odd theory is as a supposed tortured artist I can not truly connect with my craft while I'm in a state of unadulterated happiness. So I've decided to dig deep and pull out one of my main sources of happiness: my independence.
As a young woman in an ever changing world I am constantly bombarded with conflicting portrayals of what type of woman society expects me to be. I am taught to act like a lady but think like a man, drop it low, do it with no hands while constantly chanting that I undoubtedly run the world. For many females of all ages these conflicting messages prove to be too much to decipher accordingly. You see powerfully telling a man to kindly step to the left as you lead a powerful life as Queen Bitch at the top paints an awfully lonely portrait of a painful search for someone you deem to be irreplaceable. The alternate side of the coin reveals an unhealthy dependent nature often found in cult classics such as "Twilight". But where exactly is it safe to draw the line? Where can the balance be found? When did it become impossible to be a mother, a friend, a girlfriend, and simultaneously career driven. I have never been one to raise my fist in the air and scream for the progress that the women's movement has accomplished. I do how ever acknowledge the accomplishments that have been reached by those before me and the miles we have yet to travel. With that being said I think it is necessary to state that in the 21st century it takes a brave soul man or woman to put themselves first as a priority before taking any others into consideration.
As Steve Jobs once said, "you are born alone and you are going to die alone". While I am not sure if I completely agree or support the latter portion of the quote I fully accept the over riding theme of his statement. It is important to realize the importance of yourself in your own life. Let's get the facts straight as humans we are emotionally dependent creatures that need acceptance and approval from others. And don't get me wrong I enjoy a decent cuddle session as much as the next emotionally dependent person but self awareness is the key to preserving not only your sanity but your identity. Constantly playing into the wants and needs of another leaves you in a mentally unstable state. Taking the time to check in on what I want and what I need is a small price to pay to the person I spend the most time with: myself.

Until next time,

MJB

Privacy

"The internet isn't written in pencil… it's written in ink"

With programs and social networks like BBM, Facebook, KIK, and Twitter your business seems to be everyone's business. While I'm sure everyone is tired of my ranting and raving about these programs and social networks that have buried their existence into the core of our lives I will promise to make this my final discussion about the above. I am no fanatic nor am I a cynic to the importance and convenience of these programs and networks. They simultaneously make life easier and more complex if allowed to do so. Many people rescind back into their Kindergarten selves where they were taught a simple and sweet saying "sharing is caring". Well this saying has taken on a whole new meaning in the twenty first century. The world seems to be sharing everything with everyone no matter how dangerous the outcome may be. But as all you know I am not one to worry much about danger more so require clarification and understanding of behavior and actions.

At 8:59 I blew my nose. At 9:00 I blinked, at 9:02 I scratched my ear, at 9:14 I went and got a snack. Pretty boring and uninteresting right? Who cares that I did all that? I know I don't even personally care that I blew my nose at 8:59 but I figured someone, some where some how would be effected with this knowledge so I had to post it. Sounds crazy, almost insane? Well my dear readers that is often how I feel about the redundant and almost ridiculous news feed I have been encountering for the past months. While I do appreciate and often "like" the inspirational quotes or phrases, intellectual comments, I also personally on occasion enjoy the random and occasional rant and rave. The problem lies with those who feel that it is their duty to inform everyone of their every mood, every feeling, every emotion, and every MOVE. Worst case scenario could result in your death but hey… who cares when it's just so necessary to have your KIK tell us that your pulling up in front of the supermarket on street Z, or update your FB status telling us your leaving your house and going to the mall.

An argumentative and occasionally wise friend of mine brought this cyber stalking to my attention back during the Sidekick AIM phase. "Why do you broadcast in your away that you're in the shower when people know you dorm, they know what school you go to, and could probably find your dorm building" Huh… never really thought about it that way but five years later I'm sitting back laughing at how my small 100 person buddy list could put me in danger while many FB accounts now possess over thousands of friends. What is the real reason for the constant "off to the gym", "going to work" or "chilling at home someone hit me" statuses? Are the people you truly care about that out of reach that a simple text couldn't let them personally know you are at work?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but more than 65 percent of your social network friends either do not know exactly who you even are nor do they truly care about what it is you have to say. The other 35 percent that do know and care about who you, are punished and bombarded with constant updates of your every move and uninspiring thoughts. A call for privacy is necessary and vital while the attempts at true privacy are now futile in the age of Twitter and Facebook. We all know someone who regrets a status update or overtly published relationship that they wish they could take back because as we have learned from the Social Network "the internet isn't written in pencil it's written in ink". There are certain things that you say,do, or document that will never be deleted from any one's minds even with the simple delete button. The truth of the matter is once you post something on these networks everyone has access to you more than you can even imagine. Due to human nature the abuse of a new trend is always soon to follow as it emerges into popularity. Unfortunately people are using social networks as a means of building a social identity that can destroy their reality.

Social networks were built to create social networking environments. They have undoubtedly made communication easier as well as create substantial advertising and networking opportunities. It is when they are used as a means of reality that their should be a call for concern and worry. Reading a book or going outside for a run would replace your "boredom" just as easily as thinking up an unremarkably unintelligent comment or status for Facebook.

MJB

Expectations

"The best things in life are unexpected--- because there were no expectations"

I have greatly struggled with fully developing my thoughts around this particular topic. What I have come to realize is my specific difficulty stems from my dubious conflicting thoughts on the subject. I start by stating I am completly against forming assumptions at all costs and this particular firm belief creates my initial internal struggle in regards to expectations. Assumptions and expectations are often grouped together within the same category or deemed to walk hand in hand. At first glance I made the same snap judgement until I dug further into the reality of both circumstances. Dictionary definition clearly differentiates the two while still creating some form of overlap. You see an assumption is often defined as a theory, hypothesis or presumption that can be created with or without prior knowledge or evidence. Based off of assumptions, expectations are created, therefore beginning the treacherous cycle that often leads to anger and disappointment. So what does that leave a person like myself to believe? Is wiping away all assumptions and expectations the key to preventing great anger, pain, and disappointment?

Depending on the day and the mood my answer to that question may vary greatly. But currently in a leveled and clear state of mind I realize now more than ever that assumptions and expectations are two separate entities and must be treated as such. I have fortunately had the pleasure of attending what most would deem as "small schools" all of my life and have had to deal with the drama filled small knit communities within these establishments. I have embraced the main lesson these communities have all taught me so well: Assume nothing of anyone and to expect the unexpected. Human nature is a surprisingly interesting and complex matter that can not be placed into the confines of a step by step manual. And after my countless faulty mistaken assumptions I have finally realized it is in our nature to constantly paint portraits of those we see before us. It is the next step beyond initial assumption that truly matters. It is the realization that your particularly point of view is just that: ONE POV… that may or may not be accurate. Therefore to expect certain behaviors or outcomes from someone based off of what you have seen, thought you have seen, or even worse what you have heard creates a complete lack of character for your self.

This is often the scenario that creates the imminent and oh so tragic timeless disappointment. I have heard many people state I expect nothing of no one so I can not be disappointed. After many conversations and viewing constant overly dramatic status updates it is clear that is impossible to be completely free of expectations. While many who like to think of themselves as emotionally unavailable to the world and expectation free, its needless to say that since we can not text a five dollar bill, or have a phone conversation with our cars human interaction and involvement is a necessity to our survival. If solitary confinement were a true lifestyle of choice Facebook and Twitter would not be the social juggernauts that they are now. The reality is we expect things of each other as well as society. No matter how big or small, the expectation is still present. The danger lies in those that have immensely outrageous expectations in conjunction with completely over the top reactions when these expectations are not met. There must be a level headed response to the level of the situation. I know that if I expect a paycheck on a particularly day and that expectation is not met that I will have a much different reaction than if I am expecting a response to a text message from a friend.

Personally as someone who is goal oriented and in constant interaction with members of the future I place the highest level of expectations strictly upon myself. I never advise anyone to lower their standards or expectations of others but I often caution preparation if an unwanted hand is dealt. It is not the end of the world to have expectations… it is how ever quite unrealistic to believe that everyone will live up to them at all times if ever at all. You can not control others: not their thoughts, their words, or their behavior. All you can do is control your self, assess the reality of your surroundings, and enjoy the possibilities of the unknown.

MJB

"It's you, of yourself, of whom you must ask a lot. Only from oneself has one the right to ask everything and anything. This way it's up to you -- your own choices -- what you get from others remains a present, a gift"

“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”

Watch The Throne Review

"you are now watching the throne…"

I begin by stating this review will come from a strictly objective point of view and my admiration and appreciation for Jay Z and his talent will not cloud my ability to analyze the album at face value. After my first "Watch the Throne" listening session at 12:01 I gathered one initial thought. This highly anticipated and acclaimed album would be a classic in it's own right and go on to break many records. Without a shadow of a doubt whether containing "Thriller" like classic singles or less than stellar performances this album would be a success monetarily. There are many things that must be taken into consideration when it comes to the analysis of an album on this caliber. After hearing many different comments and criticisms regarding the content of this album I have taken in these interpretations with a grain of salt as they are often based on emotional knee jerk reactions. Over the course of the next seven days I have been able to enjoy the ups and seldom downs that the album has to offer.

Before I jump into a track by track analysis I will first tackle the main disproving consensus that I have heard from many critics across the board. "These two did not do the best that they could have done", "They are talking about the same thing everyone else is talking about" "They have turned their backs on their hood" "All they are talking about is being rich and successful". As a personal follower of Jay Z's career more so than Kanye West, and a person who greatly understands the business of the music industry this album is serving as a revival to a dying art form. It is a sad and true realization but the days of over night platinum status albums have dwindled and we are left with the bitter taste of "Racks on Racks" as good music. While I have been apart of the digital demise of the music industry it was a refreshing and surprising well thought out and played out move on the part of both business men. "Watch The Throne" released August 8th digitally on Itunes, with minimal if any released leaks or bootlegging issues, thus breaking their first record: most digital Itunes sales.

For those that are less than impressed with content and relativity to the artists I pose a question: What exactly were you expecting that wasn't delivered? Personally I realize that relating to an artists' struggle is easier than relating to their success but I can not pigeon hold an artist into one category when they have grown far beyond where they began. I am a firm believer in writing or talking about experience and what I know, but anticipating an album solely about piss in the hallways, and commuting to work was a far stretch of the imagination in regards to two of the worlds most successful musicians of our time. With just about 16 studio albums between both artists the redundancy of rhymes based on their past struggles would seem like a prophetic slap in the face, as both artists have far surpassed these harsh times. Instead "Watch the Throne" delivers an artistic snapshot of the present and the future rather than rehashing the "College Dropout" with "Reasonable Doubt" blends. Do not get me wrong "Watch The Throne" does have its low moments and false steps but the production and follow through from track to track unleashes a remarkably catchy story line that people can relate to and learn from.

"Watch the Throne" begins where many wars have begun: discussion/interpretation of religion. Thus we begin watching the throne with the melodic crooning of Frank Ocean over an infectious beat: "No Church in the Wild". Though many will sing right along without any form of analysis it is the true interpretation of how many different people see the rules and restrictions of religion that makes this song the perfect introduction this story. Our next stop is the soon to be catchy single "Lift Off" featuring Mrs. Jay Z on the hook a sure fire way to a successful hit. With many opposing opinions about the necessity of this track on the album, I personally listened to the song three times before even realizing Jay Z's four bars was on the track. With that said I am more than likely to skip this track more often than not but I am certain it will be on the radio incessantly within the next month. Keeping the money all in the family I can't be mad at that.

I am beyond thrilled at the Otis Redding sample bringing to life such a great often times under appreciated musician. The younger generation is given the opportunity to hear what real music sounded like before Auto Tune replaced actual instruments. Once we get to Paris we receive more of what we all were anticipating and criticizing. The back and forth relationship flows effortlessly on this track as we first experienced and enjoyed on Otis. However catchy the chorus this song is still one of the top recipients of the most dislike due to their cocky whimsical discussions about their wealth. And while subjectively I love every moment of this song, objectively it does not possess a high amount of "real world" situations that us common folk will face. In Jay Z's defense… he does state early on: "If you escaped what I escaped you'd be in Paris getting f****d up too…" Fair warning. "Gotta have it" one of my favorite tracks pokes fun at plenty of common day society issues while still managing to have the whole world singing right along to lyrics they don't even understand. Probably likely to be one of the most misunderstood and under rated tracks on the album I urge and encourage you to take a second listen.

"New Day", a song that I must admit I initially slept on possesses a relaxed mellow outlet to sit back and just think. What it lacks in catchy beats it greatly makes up for with nostalgic lyrical content in preparation for their futures. Moving directly forward from nostalgic relaxation right back into fast paced lyrical flow and party anthems we are bombarded with "That's my bitch", "Welcome to the Jungle" and the already highly over tweeted rise above the struggle trend #whogonstopme. It is important to note that Jay Z's final verse on "Who Gon' Stop Me" is an impeccable demonstration of just how effortlessly talented of an artist he is. As we approach the final five tracks of the album it is clear the story has become about the ailments of life and society. While I thoroughly enjoyed the album in it's entirety it is the conclusion of the album that I enjoyed the most. I undoubtedly could have done without the three minute silent intro to "Illest Motherf****r Alive" but flaws are to be expected.

Overall I highly recommend watching the throne with a keen eye. It is not every day our generation knowingly gets to witness history in the making...

The power of choice...

Are the outcomes of our lives affected by fate, chance, or choice?

"I will not go down under the ground because someone told me that death is coming around. And I will not carry myself down to die. When I go to my grave my head will be high"

After exhaustingly discussing this question for an entire year with my former Senior English class, I have heard every form of interpretation in regards to this question. Some have analyzed it through a completely literal sense, while others have taken the time to analyze the perplexities of this purposely open ended question. I tend to ask my students overtly frustrating questions that have no right or wrong answer if backed up appropriately with educated evidence. Surprisingly when it came down to our year long essential question dialogue my opinions on the matter were swayed frequently due to an overwhelming amount of personal educated evidence accompanied by constant argumentative "what if" statements. As the school year came to a close my Seniors left the class room for the last time still amazed at how one question can create conversation for an entire year. I on the other hand exhausted beyond measure closed the door on any thoughts in regards to this question and prepared to move on to the next school year. Strangely enough without warning my peers have taken it upon themselves to pry open this door and open new facets to old ideals I thought I previously explored to full extent.

When discussing topics that people have strong emotions about I do not often give my own opinion as I prefer to stay a neutral observer. Undoubtedly I hold steadfast to my own personal values and convictions that affect my thoughts, beliefs, and actions. It is still necessary however to give myself the opportunity to hear different thoughts and ideas that may differ from my own. Case in point three of my most respectable friends have had separate conversations with me about the reality of tarot card readings, fortune cookies, psychics, and horoscopes. Though I personally may not believe in the previously stated I understand the need for those beliefs. As an English teacher I can say many have become desensitized to things because of a lack of proof. I am constantly reminding my students to give more detail, add more evidence to back up their thoughts and opinions. However this can not extend to every facet of life. As a firm believer in God I know that I can not scientifically prove everything and it would be selfish and hypocritical of me to ask my peers to do the same. Their choice to believe in prediction creates a sense of dependency on fate.

Believing that "if something is meant to be it will be…" is not a mantra I hold close at all. While I respect the nature of my friends beliefs I see complete blind trust in fate as the manipulation of one of the most powerful weapons in the world: an idea. An idea once created or planted in someones mind can spiral into many different things. An idea is impossible to kill and can grow into a positive or negative influence in someone's life. Horoscopes, tarot cards, and psychics manipulate our ideas by planting their own thoughts into our minds in the most general way possible. Humans by nature are made to love, are made to feel pain, are made to have moments of strength and moments of insecurity. Therefore these outlets create a false atmosphere of fate, stripping away the true nature of choice. We have all made bad decisions in our past that have affected our present. A psychic or tarot card reading that discusses my decisions making me who I am or telling me I am still discovering myself is nothing specific to me, but more so addressing a general human journey.

From time to time I do fall into the trap and check to see if I will have a good day based on what my daily horoscope says. However I can not truly base my day on what an 160 character horoscope from the Daily News has stated. Ultimately I have the final choice to decide how my day will play out and while I can not control every thing in my environment, I refuse to let any one take away my power by telling me "today I will have a bad day" or "my one true love will tell me something great". I know I physically do not have much but I know that all I have is the choices that I make. It's difficult to state what is right or wrong when it comes to someones beliefs or thoughts about an issue. After a few discussions today the overall consensus I received was, while it is difficult to truly differentiate the difference between fate, chance and choice at times, ultimately we make decisions and choices that alter our outcomes. Striking the lotto doesn't mean you're lucky it means you made the right choice to play those numbers that specific day. Allowing someone to control you physically or mentally is a choice. Being unhappy in a relationship is a choice. And while choosing to do better, or to do the right thing is always difficult it is always a choice laid out on the table. When it comes down to the very basic survival of your self, choice is one of your biggest and most powerful weapons.

A truly inspirational friend told me: "There are things we do almost if not every day that affects the outcomes of our lives. It's all our choice, not fate or chance… we make the choices that lead up to fate or chance" --R.S

Choice:

The dangers of intentions

"A lie does not consist in the indirect position of words, but in the desire and intention, by false speaking, to deceive and injure your neighbor"

Most of my inspiration and topics of conversation stem from random pieces of conversations that I have had with many different people about similar topics. This inspiration is a conglomerate of two topics that have an underlying connection once you've taken the time out to correlate the basis of both of them. Instead of creating two separate entries, I chose to mix these two topics as they relate more closely than people give them credit for. I've decided to combine the intricacies of truly defining what is considered infidelity and what is considered dating/talking. At first glance their connection appears to be clarification and definition, but I've come to realize it is so much more than simply that. I have found that just as with most other decisions your intentions are the basis of your choices and beliefs.

The easier of the two discussions begins with the fairly new term "talking". From an English teacher point of view talking incorporates the physical act of verbally speaking to someone. From the more common vernacular point of view "talking" has taken on a new life form that leaves plenty of gray matter and opportunity for confusion and misinterpretation. Does talking begin with the intention to grow into full blown relationship, or is it the key term that allows acceptable access into a strictly platonic sexual relationship? Is talking a monogamous courtship or is it the term used for multiple simultaneous interactions? I have received many different answers and supposed definitions of what "talking" consists of. With so many opposing thoughts and beliefs as to what goes along with "talking" it is important now more than ever to truly open up the lines of communication. It is important that both people in the "talking" phase speak about what their intentions are during this process because it is clear that not every one has the same ideals as to the amount of work to bring into the connection. As for the term I connect it most closely with a much older term "dating".

After a few discussions about dating I myself was shocked to realize that not everyone sees dating or going out on dates in the same manner. A very spirited friend of mine classifies dating as physically going out with a person of the opposite sex as a pair. While we do share similar ideals and beliefs when it comes to relationships, I was shocked to find out that we do not have the same definition as to what a date is. As a person with a slightly skewed amount of friends of the opposite sex I can not classify a date as going to grab a slice of pizza or going to the movies with a friend. However that is solely based off of my beliefs and intentions. I have learned recently to take in the consideration of others' intentions as they do not always align with mine. This brings in the second topic of infidelity.

Most classify infidelity as physically interacting in an inappropriate manner with someone else other than your significant other. This brings in the common deal breaker for most: sexual interaction. I'm most certain that we can all agree that having sexual relationships with someone else that is not your partner is cheating. Infidelity, however by definition does not only include just sex. Inappropriate interaction is cause for discussion and possible grounds for termination but again the word inappropriate just like "talking" has a lot of gray matter in between that causes confusion. What I may see as inappropriate may not be viewed the same way by others. Honestly I respect the fact that there are different views on similar topics because I believe difference in opinion creates room for growth. What I have learned from many conversations is intention from BOTH parties is what should solely be considered. There is no gray matter when it comes to you making a clear cut decision to take specific actions that you must hide, or alter. Falsifying the truth of events and intentions is just a fancy version of a lie and no matter how you say it or twist it a lie is a lie.

A few friends have brought up the situation of being in a relationship and going out with someone of the opposite sex as a powder keg for infidelity. This brings up conversations of who should pay for what, or hidden feelings coming to the surface. Again I state going to a pizzeria and having a friend pay for your slice is not a moment of infidelity in my eyes. However if you intend for that pizza to lead to something else you are setting up your own powder keg and must be ready to deal with the explosion. It is not right to assume that once you are in a relationship you are cut off from the rest of the world and making contact with friends is cheating. It is also not fair to blame a lack of self control as to why your true intentions surfaced. At this point we are all adults who have some sort of self actualized relationship with our selves and should know what your needs and wants are. As individuals it is important to understand that there is no set of rules when it comes to human interaction and relationships. Each interaction is different and should be treated as such. Communication however is always the key to prevent unwanted outcomes.

Be careful of your intentions as they stem from your beliefs and ultimately control your actions.

MJB

Story Corps Interview

I've been contemplating writing about so many different things for my next post. I've had so many interesting topics of conversation arise that I just couldn't wrap my mind around one topic to fully divulge my thoughts into. Then today I had a pretty interesting interview run through Story Corps. Story Corps is pretty much a story telling database to say the least. Interviews are conducted by a familiar person about certain topics and preserved in the Library of Congress as well as on the Story Corps website. There are also many different interviews that can be found on Youtube. Based off of the conversation I had today during the interview I think I've said all I need to say for today. So for one time and one time only I've decided to let me verbal words steal the show as opposed to my written words. Take a listen below to an edited version of my interview. It is approximately 10 minutes long…if you'd like to hear the rest you can always email me. Hopefully it gives you a little more incite to how I think and feel about certain things as if you didn't get a pretty clear picture from my previous entries. Till' next time… stay intelligent.

MJB. The One

Music

At the risk of sounding redundantly similar to many generations before me I unfortunately have decided to tackle an issue that is directly correlated to differences in generation. When it comes to behavioral issues, or beliefs and laws I've always been open minded to the differences that are clearly present from generation to generation. There is one topic that I hold closer than any other generation issues and that is the quality or lack there of in today's music industry. As a high school teacher in the twenty first century I have come to accept that many things are just different and will continue to change for years to come. Issues I knew of as an adolescent have taken the back seat to new forms of technology, and how to use and abuse them. I not only embrace these changes but accept that they are a natural part of the world I now live in. I still however can not accept that in today's world music just isn't what it used to be and it damn sure isn't what it should be.

Now there is no doubt in anyone's minds that the music industry has taken huge blows in profit due to the increase of technology and general availability. I myself am apart of the reason why it has become ten times more difficult for major artists to go platinum. However a lack of sales does not give the industry the right to insult my intelligence and pollute the airwaves. It has become a game now more than ever rather than a true competition of skill and wit. During the 90's artists fought to achieve the title of the best or the greatest and put their all into each and every release in order to bring themselves closer to the title. As the early 2000's rolled in Napster and Limewire appeared on every desktop and Youtube made it possible for everyone to express themselves. It wasn't clear at the time but these new staples in our lives would change the music industry as we once knew it. These new internet sensations would bring out such classic music memories that we could manage to live without such as : "Crank that Soulja Boy", and "Teach Me How to Dougie". Don't get me wrong I am no hypocrite I too am guilty of singing and dancing along to these musical "hits". But where exactly do we draw the line?

When do we face the reality that commercialization has given life to many artists and sucked the life out of meaningful feel good music. I am not asking for deep political global scholar tracks every single time, as I realize that music is a tool used to escape for many of us from our every day struggles. True good music in it's rawest form has saved many lives and raised spirits on different levels. Even the most popular of party anthems during the 80's and 90's had something to say, had a statement to make. "Mo' Money Mo' Problems" sent a message loud and clear, gave us insight into a culture, and unfortunately that message is lost in translation when it comes to the new #trendingtopic "Racks on Racks". For every BIG, 2pac, or Jay Z lyric that you may not know I can give you thirty records out now that you don't even understand. Not because the content is superlatively beyond your intelligence level, but because annunciation and clarity mean nothing over a tight beat, fat ass, and new dance craze.

The world is listening and waiting but it seems were all waiting for different things. My high school students wait for Fridays so they can sing the Rebecca Black phenomenon, my close friends await the awakening out of this musical depression, and me I'm just waiting for everyone to realize the true reality. That true reality is there will never be another musical era like the 80's or the 90's. While a few artists: old, new, and up and coming aim to rejuvenate the ingenious of musical technicality, influence still remains the main hindrance to that goal. You can't rebuild Rome you just have to enjoy the memory of it. There will be no next Biggie or 2pac or Jay Z just like there has never been a new Diana Ross, or Michael Jackson. Appreciate and hold onto what they've left behind: which is great music and great influence for the new school to attempt to revive. I don't end this with a sense of hopelessness but more a sense of acceptance and a call for awareness. Be aware of what you listen to and what it says about you. That is the beauty of music it offers indefinite options and forms of expression. You can "Roll in the deep" with Adele, continue the show with Lupe, or sell **** on your Iphone with Rick Ross. It's your choice… and I choose to be aware.

"Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change."

- Stephen R. Covey

MJB

Belief

A belief can be one of the most influential and detrimental part of your life. Why? Because beliefs stem from thoughts that soon become ideas and and idea is impermeable. An idea is a concept you can not destroy, you can not kill, and you can not change. While some may think that you can always change an idea, or change a belief, or a thought about a particular issue but unfortunately that is not the case. The reality of the matter is when you think you've changed your mind about something, or have had your beliefs altered all you've really done is buried the previous belief. It doesn't mean its gone it just means it lies dormant for the time being. Once your mind has created a theory it is almost impossible to remove. I have tried all of this fast forward thinking with mediation and research but the fact still remains that the way I felt about things when I was sixteen still dictates the way I feel about many things to this very day.

Before you self righteously start thinking that someone can not possibly still think the way they once did when they were an adolescent, hold your biased thoughts for just a moment. It has been stated that your personality is created from the time that you are two years old hence why many people choose to adopt children younger than two years old. You are then molded and shaped by society until you learn to fight. Once that battle begins it never ends and this is when you start to stick up for what you believe is right even when the world is telling you different. It is rare that after such strenuous battles that people will change what they believe in even with facts and proven arguments. For example I have a friend who truly believes that she is ready to face the world despite the fact that everyone states different. As a friend I had to push aside my belief that she will fall flat on her face and take in a new belief that I must be supportive. That's the hard part of having stead fast beliefs. You have to learn that you don't have to change what you believe in but you have to give people the opportunity to believe in something different.

As most would know I am greatly opposed to voluntarily harming my body with alcohol or drugs specifically the most commonly abused drug:weed. On the flip side I have many intelligent and close friends that find the need to "escape" the world that batters and bruises them and find that escape at the bottom of bottles and hidden behind scuba masks. I am constantly making my disdain for their favorite past time known to the public because I do not believe that a temporary escape that could possibly harm me is worth the trip at all. What I have failed to take into consideration many times is though I truly care it is not my life to control or alter. My beliefs should not put a barricade or prohibit the beliefs and actions of others. And while in this moment of clarity I know that I should be more considerate I am constantly battling myself to make sure my beliefs do not cause another form of social prohibition. I truly feel it is a day to day battle to remember that beliefs are an amazing thing to have but when used incorrectly have caused many arguments, battles, and wars. Logic is necessary when making decisions based off of impulsive human nature. Even the best of us get lost in the illogical reasoning most deeply stated as: "If I believe it that that's all that matters".

That is never all that matters. Beliefs are important and create great connection but can also create painful disconnect. Be open to the beliefs of others while holding steadfast to your own.

MJB

Follow Through

As I am constantly in evaluation mode I stumbled onto an old concept that could always use some "re-evaluation". I am not so certain that I have specifically discussed my thoughts but all of my topics are interrelated at some point. For the few people that know me very well they are aware of the amount of hatred I have for what I call "flops". A flop as defined by myself is someone who can not follow through with a plan, an idea, or even a thought. This type of person not only frustrates me but saddens me as well.

Since many things frustrate me I add a "flop" the the list and move forward but being surrounded by so many creates a sense of sympathy for them as well. I see a person who "flops" as being often self conscious, unreliable and dishonest to both themselves as well as others. These type of people lack the follow through to create the change they wish to see in their lives therefore often leaving them with a feeling of entrapment and lack of self worth. There are many different levels that receive different levels of patience from me. Overall on the surface though I may feel a particular way at a particular time, I hold no grudges and have genuine concern for those who can not follow through to empower themselves.

For the sake of maintaining anonymity as I discuss the different levels and experiences I have had with "flops" I mention no names. My first and most common encounter is the self conscious flop. This type of person has probably faced a life changing even that has placed them at a disadvantage to their peers. When this occurs, dishonesty, the easiest dependent is used to mask the severity of the situation. Instead of saying, "I don't have the money to come out as often as I used to", or "I can't come out because I am trying to save" this person will often make and set plans up with people to only back out last minute with a lack luster excuse. My favorite occurrence is the complete "Houdini" act that occurs when no phone calls, text messages, or emails are returned or "received". As a person who values respect greatly I would respect the honesty rather than the silence. A wise man once told me, "I believe that when you ignore the problem it stops/ goes away". While I don't wholeheartedly agree with that statement in regards to every situation when it comes to a lack of follow through I take that silence in stride and remove myself from being your problem any further. In this way no plans need to be cancelled or rescheduled due to the lack of honesty.

The second type of flop that is more heartbreaking than frustrating is a person who can not follow through on a promise they make to themselves. There are many I choose to surround myself that create self inflicted wounds on a daily basis to their potential growth. Making a statement one day and taking actions that directly negate those statements is not only sad but portrays a lack of faith and strength. It is more than just a failed goal or altered New Years Resolution it is the complete lack of self control. As a person who is not the most financially endowed I know that all I truly have to offer to the world is my word. The honesty I provide to the world is a reflection of the honesty I provide to myself. If I fail to do the things that I have promised myself this means I accept betrayal and am no better than any common liar. Its a sad state to remain in a never ending cycle therefore a person that flops on themselves may need to step back and re-evaluate their intentions.

As I come to a close I impartially step back I restate the same advice I often give. Look your self in the mirror and make sure you are happy with the person you see staring back at you. If you are okay with the outcome of your life then by all means continue on your righteous path. But if for one second there is a doubt in your mind that you may not like the person you have become make a change…

MJB

Loyalty

"Loyalty cannot be blueprinted. It cannot be produced on an assembly line. In fact, it cannot be manufactured at all, for its origin is the human heart-the center of self-respect and human dignity.
It is a force which leaps into being only when conditions are exactly right for it-and it is a force very sensitive to betrayal."

Maurice Franks

As I grow older I realize that so many concepts are interrelated and correlate directly with one another. Therefore the beliefs you have in one idea can directly relate to the outcomes and actions of your life in regards to something else. This brings me to my next topic of discussion: loyalty. This isn't a word I hear thrown around very often but when I do it tends to confuse me. I relate loyalty to fidelity and honesty. When you are loyal you are often referred to synonymously as being faithful and trustworthy. With all of these words being thrown around in conversation I can't help but think while they are correlated there is a difference amongst them.

Coming from a Catholic upbringing the word fidelity and faith have been apart of my vocabulary for as long as I can remember. Two statements however have stuck with me during my toughest trials and tribulations. The first being: "Fidem Servavi" the latin motto of my high school translates directly into "I have kept the faith". The second being: "Semper Fidelis" the latin motto of the Marines which directly translates into "Always Faithful". These two phrases transcend their simple translations and have transformed my views on fidelity and faith. While I can be described as a religious person oddly enough I do not use faith or fidelity to describe my connection with religion. Faith and fidelity have taken on a personal meaning for myself rather than in regards to a relationship. As always my views on being a partner always incorporate being yourself primarily. When I reveal my body art to others the initial question is always "What are you always faithful to?" Unfortunately for most of the one tracked minds I did not place a disclaimer on my body to reveal to the opposite sex that I am always faithful in a relationship. Broadcasting or using my body as a form of advertisement are two trends I promise I will never follow. My answer to the subpar intelligence and anticipation always has and always will be that, "I am Always Faithful… to myself". In being faithful to myself I find no difficulties in being faithful to others whether it be in a relationship or not.

This leads me to my next misused and poorly defined word: honesty. I've tackled the issues of honesty in previous rants and not much has changed on my beliefs in regards to honesty. A lie is a lie whether it is black or white or a lie told through omission. I have however broadened my horizons to the followup. Honesty… though always broken, can be fixed through communication. Silence is what truly destroys honesty completely. I myself have been guilty of this destruction as well as those closest to me. The most frustrating factor within silence is pride. Pride clouds the judgement creating a greater silence perpetuating the downfall of saveable sin. Most of the time the anger, the pain, and the embarrassment subsides but the pride will linger. While I continuously feel that honesty is one of the most misused ideals in life especially in relationships I do see a silver lining as it is the simplest to fix. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and be honest with yourself realizing that no amount of pride is worth losing.

I conclude with my own misconceptions and misconstrued ideals in regards to loyalty. The concept of loyalty is the most humorous and underdeveloped. I say humorous because of the past brief descriptions I've heard. With loyalty comes mob movies, hip hop, the street… etc but that is not what loyalty is all about. Being able to run with a crew for a few months and keep your mouth shut doesn't automatically make you a loyal person. Those situations are mostly fear of the unknown outcome but true loyalty can even be difficult to pursue for yourself let alone others. There are not many people that I would consider I am loyal to or that they are loyal to me. I don't relate loyalty to having a "team that will hold me down" it's so much more than that. Loyalty my dear readers once broken is unfixable. Loyalty is offered to few because it is so fragile. And loyalty can with stand the test of time and a changing environment. So remember to always be faithful to yourself, be honest with everyone, and be loyal to very few.

MJB

Relationships

"In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place."

Elizabeth Gilbert

As a writer I am no stranger to fiction, creating fantasy, and building perfection between my characters. As a human I am no stranger to pain, struggle, and human nature. With the blending of these two I've decided to tackle one of the most cliche topics but ever so interesting and entertaining. While I am no master of the topic I hope to offer some form of incite based off what I have witnessed and experienced. In my short under developed twenty two years of life I have encountered what I would now call many learning experiences and connections. Some stronger than others, some longer than others but none more important than the other. I say this now as a much wiser fool. You see I feel that interaction builds into a connection and a connection can possibly lead to a relationship. When I think about what I define a relationship as now I realize I was sadly mistaken to think that at age 16 or at age 20 I had what it takes to build a true meaningful relationship. Don't get me wrong I believe with all the certainty in my heart that it can be done but it is much more difficult during those time periods. Why? You can not build a relationship with another if you haven't build a solid relationship with yourself first.

Before it is possible to instill all of this trust, love, hopes and dreams into someone else you have to instill it in yourself first. I've seen so many variations of relationships that fall onto to spectrum from healthy to abusive. With all of the relationships I've witnessed and the connections I've built it is sometimes really sad and bleak to look forward into the future. I do not base this solely on the male gender because the women have just as a big role to play in the matter. With divorce rates being so high, single parents, and music videos raising generation after generation meaningful generations seem far and few. These factors are not the only deciding factors and I will use myself as an example. My parents are still together and have just celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary. They certainly did not allow the television to raise me and demonstrate such a strong love that while it may confuse me from time to time I can see the hard work and dedication that prevents their love from falling apart. When I look at myself I do not see the qualities that they bring to their relationship instilled in me. I have taken my connections and disconnections in stride as learning experiences as a tread forward in search of something I can't even specify to myself.

For so long I couldn't quite put my finger on why disconnect was so much simpler for me. I have figured that my fear doesn't stem from being hurt but more from the fear of losing myself. I have battled so long to finally be comfortable with every piece of who I am that when I see the compromise that others must make in relationships I choose myself every time. These relationships that I have seen and the connections I have been involved in have all placed a specific member against a wall where they must choose themselves or the relationship. I myself have been guilty of doing the same when given the upper hand. It is impossible to think that anyone would be okay with losing who they are. That anyone would chose to be a "we" instead of a me". It is a sad situation to witness and even sadder to be apart of.

While many may think I have "trust" issues or don't want to open up. I find that thought completely absurd. I know who I trust… me. I know who I can always open up to… me. And as I grow further and further in love with myself and get a little bit smarter with each passing day I can say with out a doubt that the moments when I've felt most alive, most beautiful, most cared about, and most loved isn't when I was called baby, or honey, or princess… it is when I am called Mel. Because that is who I am, this is who I will always be, and this is when I feel like I am most understood.

"When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."

Male/ Female Interaction

"Is your subconscious your conscious"

I often wonder if we realize the impact of our environment in our lives. So much so that I often go back and forth with a new example or reason that I always seem to shoot down myself. I believe that as men and women we are conditioned to do many things without us fully being aware. Conditioning is not only something that occurs in the animal kingdom but within the human race as well. The most important question to ask ourselves is whether this conditioning has turned into a dangerous form of acceptance. We have become so accustomed to simply accepting that boys are supposed to wear blue and girls are supposed to wear pink that when the situation does not play out exactly as planned everything short of crucifixion occurs. The media has taken so much time out of their busy uplifting schedule to make sure men and women know their roles. My concern is that the audience has forgotten to unplug their media outlet in order to be aware of what is truly going on around them.

The clear cut recipe always has and always will be "boy sees girl, boy likes girl, boy gets girl" With a few minor adjustments here and there this simple three step recipe has managed to silence many females and males for generations and will continue to do so for generations to come. You see this recipe leaves no room for weakness in the testosterone driven world where the male sex is formatted to be the aggressor at all times. If not well that alpha male has now been dwindled to nothing more than a bitch. With out any consideration or hesitation a man who doesn't fit the mold is quickly labeled as homo, or my favorite "is acting like a female" because he just can't seem to behave the way he was told to at birth. I do feel quite sorry for the entire male species who seems to think being looked at as a homo is the worst label known to man. Shame on me for thinking being called a rapist or a pedophile would be slightly worse.

However horrible I feel for my male counterparts I can not forget the horrific conditioning the female species has been subjected to. Its hard to calculate where to even begin in relation to the short comings of a species I proudly and shamefully am apart of. That simple recipe I previously mentioned has also done a number on the thought process and behavior of many women, whom if given a true equal opportunity could be the rulers of the free world. Instead women are silenced and taught to be the receivers of the male aggression. Sit quiet and wait to be approached, don't talk too much, don't talk too loudly or risk the never ending labels of bitch, mean, or my favorite…bird. I myself have been labeled as all three and in one instance simultaneously in the same sentence. Needless to say I did not run home crying but many females believe that is their only option. Throw a tantrum to get your way, manipulate the situation not with your intelligence but with your sex appeal, speak when spoken to, be sexy but not enough to be slutty, and don't you dare give in too easy because then your not worth the chase. "The chase"… as if male and female interaction were a sport or some sort of video game.

That is unfortunately what it has turned into. "I'm not going to call or text he/she first because I was first the last time". When did relationship building turn into a battlefield with tactical moves and techniques taking precedent to actual discussion. When did "I'm sorry I was drunk" take the place of the actual reason "I am uncomfortable/ vulnerable in this relationship and it frightens me" We've stopped taking responsibility and refuse to live in reality because society tells us its okay. Society tells us that men are going to cheat, and women are going to be an emotional wreck so we accept that Lifetime format because it prevents us from taking a real deep look into the mirror. Men must act like men and women must act like women in order for the world to go round. Any slip from that strict criteria leads to many disappointments and a lack of acceptance. I myself would rather be unaccepted by a society that tells me to "Act Like a Lady and Think Like a Man". I would rather act like myself and think for myself.

MJB

Legacy

Legacy (n): past, as from an ancestor or predecessor.

"you can kill a man but you can not kill an idea"

-Sophocles

After a month of discussing the past, present, and future with a group of 34 high school seniors I have personally gathered a new outlook, or perspective so to speak on many different topics that I initially thought I would always hold steadfast convictions towards. With all of the mistakes that I've made, errors in judgement, and decisions that have led me to one dead end after another I have proudly realized every single experience is a defining moment in a legacy that I have begun to create yet have no idea exactly how it will turn out. You see for the past thirty days I have been asking students what kind of legacy do they see themselves leaving behind, how do they want to be remembered, and how do they want to be seen? At the age of seventeen years old I can't recall a day that went by when I was confident about my future or mindful of where I would be in 10 years let alone 10 minutes. But there I was self righteously demanding my seventeen year olds to map out a future and think of what kind of legacy they want to leave on the world. My true moment of clarity and honesty stems from a panel of guest speakers that also serve as very intelligent friends.

Masked behind stubborn fear I often forget to make myself vulnerable to the ideals of others who may just have some amazing perspective to offer to a situation. This panel of guest speakers not only opened up the eyes of my seniors but my eyes as well. For the first time in a while I was the one learning valuable lessons instead of teaching them. You see I've been labeled as many things and done my share of labeling while I hypocritically tell others to save the judgement for a higher power. I've given advice to others to move forward while my past still effects the outcomes of my present. But with that said these four friends, these amazingly wise and intuitive friends taught me that its alright to not have a plan, its okay if that plan changes, its okay to be afraid, but it is never okay to let the struggles and fear prevent you from being happy.

So I leave you with a few brief final words and thoughts. Yesterday may have been great or it may have been awful but yesterday is done. Tomorrow it might rain, you might cry or you might even win the lotto. But today at this moment this is what matters. You can't fix yesterday and you can not control tomorrow so don't bother. As hard as it may be and trust me I know, today, right now is the only moment you can define. Today is the moment that is defining your character, and building your legacy. Today is the day when your ideas transform your tomorrows and transcend any thing you have had to overcome in your yesterdays. "May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows"

"We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught. He can be killed and forgotten. But four hundred years later an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed firsthand the power of ideas. I've seen people kill in the name of them; and die defending them. But you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it or hold it. Ideas do not bleed, it cannot feel pain, and it does not love. Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, and ideas are bulletproof"

-V