End of the year wrap up

     "I will not lay myself down to die when I go to my grave my head will be high"

If you know me at all you know that I am thoroughly obsessed with this quote and the film that it comes from. I didn't know where to start, or where to go, or exactly what it is that I wanted to say in this last blog for the year, so I figured why not start from a place of comfort. I've been so wrapped up in reality that I've failed to take a moment to reflect. As I look back at this year, at the many different categories and facets of life that make up who I am, I must say it has been interesting to say the least.  As I get further and further away from college life, and deeper into my career as a teacher and closer to who I  am as a writer I've noticed a great change in my values and expectations. When I started this blog over two years ago I was a mere college graduate looking for direction, and this blog served as a ranting space. Then I looked back at the writing from the beginning of this very year and I believe I was still in that same head space, preoccupied with an endless search, tormented by the failures in my past, and just harboring this detrimental anger.  Self destruction at best my teaching and writing began to suffer at the cause of my own hand until the unimportant things stopped being important.

With re-evaluation and adjusted focus I stopped worrying about the appearance of my reality and starting being an active participant in the life I wanted to live. I stopped thinking of teaching as a job and actually fell in love with what it is that I do. I stopped being afraid of sounding just average in my writing and was able to just pour every part of me into words. My insecurities, my fears, my pain, my joy all surfaced beautifully into some of the greatest writing I've done so far.  But most importantly I was able to avoid the insane loop that we often fall into by trying to mold and shape those we care about into becoming what it is that we want them to be. This was my most difficult accomplishment as I've always connected acceptance with failure. I learned that accepting those that you love sometimes means loving them from a distance so you both can live in peace. Acceptance isn't giving up, it is a mature decision to aid you filter those that you must maintain and sustain, and those you must wish well.

Overall I can't say 2012 was my year, or that it was the best year I've ever lived but I did learn and I did grow and in the end thats all that matters. There was good, there was bad, there were tests I had to take, barriers I had to overcome but in the end I am here. Progression is the key and all I can wish for is to keep progressing towards a better version of who I already am. Not a different version, not a new version… just better.

Happy New Year Everyone!
MJB

15 minutes of fame… 300 words or less

                 I can honestly say that this time period is one of the most stressful times of the year for many people for many different reasons. No matter what the reason is, many people face a heightened sense of emotions during the holiday season, that often makes every little thing, seem like a big thing. I've been currently assisting my senior students during their stressful time of need: applying to college. I must say I've become extremely empathetic in regards to their struggles with the application process. They've particularly struggled with completing their college essay because they haven't quite mastered how to translate who they are into 300 words or less. It seems that as adults we haven't quite mastered that feat either. While reading countless first drafts, and correcting one grammar error after another I stumbled onto a quite unique essay topic that I haven't come across before.
          "Andy Warhol once said, 'In the future everyone will be world famous for 15 minutes'. Describe what your 15 minutes will be like" I can't say I was blown away by the student's response, but it did however begin a deeper thought process for me, as well as spark the idea behind this entry. Unfortunate in the eyes of others I'm sure, I have been positively described as someone who undoubtedly follows a "live fast, die young" mantra. However I do not want that to be confused with the newly popularized "YOLO" lifestyle that people are hopelessly and selfishly clinging to. Every day I wake up is a gift, an opportunity to live that day to its fullest potential. It is not an opportunity to make harmful, foolish decisions under the guise of living on the edge, or "only living once". I do indeed "live fast" because I do not believe in the provisions of living to plan.  Creating goals are important as it sets up an end, but I don't want to draw out the map, I want to create it as I go. I know where I want to end up, and how I get there can change so often that mapping it out takes away from the actual living part of life.
               This thought process was my initial road block to achieving a viable answer to the aforementioned essay topic. How can I describe what my fifteen minutes of fame will be when I choose not to plan the minutes directly ahead of me. Of course I could BS the answer and state my fifteen minutes will be filled with triumph, and love, while avoiding pain, heartache, and disappointment. But how would that set my fifteen minutes apart from any one else's? How would that response be unique enough to catch the attention of a 160 character or less society, let alone an admissions board. The best answer I can give is also my most honest answer: I don't know. And thats the beauty and the nightmare of it all. I don't know if my fifteen minutes of fame are behind me, lie ahead of me, or if I'm at minute 7 right now. What I can positively state is I won't be around forever, and while I may not know or be able to creatively speculate what my outcome will be, I can be held accountable for the now. I can control what I do now, and hope it affects the world the way I intend it to. I can only hope that my intentions are always construed as good. I want to be someone they can never forget, leave just enough positive in the world to be more than a memory, and in this way my presence will always be felt. If this so happens to be the case then I will be satisfied with the fact that my fifteen minutes of fame were spent making sure I was infinite.

Things better left unsaid...

I'm sure everyone has encountered the saying: "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all" but that seems to be a non factor when it comes to our lives in the age of technology. We are now living in a society fueled by social media that must be updated and kept current of every move, every thing we've eaten,  and every relationship & break up. In a world where very little is kept sacred where should the line be drawn? Let's take a step further than the over sharing of every thought and activity in the social media world, where should the line be drawn in a true social environment? An environment that much too many of us forget to partake in, because we are so concerned with our social media personas. Are there things that should be left unsaid for particular reasons, or should honesty consistently trump these case by case scenarios? I myself find it difficult to truly be on one side of that fence without consequently being a walking contradiction.

As a person who publicly supports honesty, and condemns those who lie to be nothing more than a liar, I find myself trapped within a paradox.  For example an act of omission of the truth is nothing more than a lie beautifully disguised. What if this omission was the mere source of protection whether it be in regards to safety or to protect someone's feelings. Does the reason behind the lack of honesty create a new sense of reality? Does it all of a sudden become okay to have certain things left unsaid or is it mere cowardice at its best? Too often we hear, "I didn't tell you because I was trying to protect you or to spare your feelings" When faced with these situations I find that I'd rather deal with the devil I know versus the devil I don't know. Information is power, and power leads to choice. With information being withheld from me, my power and my choice are taken away by the other party involved. Now I bring in the contradiction. As cut and dry as I may have made that seem… it is far beyond being that simple by any means.

If you asked a group of people that know me well to describe me you would probably receive a description that was very confusing. You see I do not mind sharing information about myself which makes me an open book. I am also one of the most tight lipped, secretive people you could ever meet which may make me seem very closed off. Both of these descriptions would be accurate because I truly believe in two opposing ideals. I am hundred percent a true supporter of pure unadulterated honesty at any cost. I do not feel that it is okay to steal someones right to the truth. If my mind has changed, my truth has changed, my reality has changed and that should be discussed with anyone that it may affect. However revealing my truth is a choice that I make, it is not up to me reveal someone else's truth. People take it upon themselves to tweet, Facebook, and Instragram the truth of others in order to hide the darkness that truly represents who they are. I made the personal choice to understand the power that words have in our society and destroying someone else's life with information that I possess just isn't a priority at the top of my list of things to do.

Revealing information whether it be true or not about someone because they've hurt you, or made you angry isn't going to take away the pain you are feeling. Of course we are all human and we may slip up every now and then, but the majority of your words and your thoughts should not be concerned with the life of someone else. The majority of your words and thoughts should not be deceitful or demeaning. You must be honest with yourself in order to be honest with others. Calling someone fat isn't going to make you skinny, calling someone ugly isn't going to make you pretty.  The only thing you can really effectively do with your life is deal with your own truth and the truth you put out into society. The truth that reaches and affects the people in your life. Everything else should be secondary. Don't concern yourself with how people see you, or what people are saying, concern yourself with who you are showing the world you are. Your actions are always going to speak louder so be aware of the things you say.

MJB

Tragedy: A true test of faith

                  In my brief twenty four years of life I've experienced many life changing experiences that have not only affected me but have also affected the world around me. We as a society have faced a great deal of tragedies and inconveniences together from the terrorist attacks on 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami in Japan, the earthquake in Haiti, and most recently Hurricane Sandy. And it seems that with each event we grow together rapidly offering each other a helping hand, and a shoulder to lean on. It seems that during these times our humanity is tested and we rise to the challenge effortlessly. We possess all of the faith, the prayer, and the strength during these times of devastation in order to uplift our selves while also uplifting one another. Its so easy to say a kind word to a neighbor during these times, but time always fades the memory of these moments and we return to the importance of our own lives.
                 Why is it that as a nation/world that is obsessed with examining tragedy we do not take the time to truly examine ourselves? What makes it so difficult to say good morning to your neighbor on a regular day yet we rush to their sides in order to ensure their survival during a hurricane. Are we so wrapped up in our own lives that we don't see that the big things are just as important as the little things. It causes great wonder and awe to see people putting their self to the side and being apart of society. It is a wonderful thing to hear words of encouragement, thoughts and prayers being sent out through phone calls, emails, texts, and other forms of social media. However we turn our backs once we've considerably done enough to get the ball rolling towards rehabilitation. I personally would like to thank all of the people that sent out kind words to me and my family after the damage we faced during the hurricane during the past few days. I would also like to personally send my thoughts and prayers to those who have been stuck in the dark, have faced damages lesser, equivalent, and greater than those I have faced, as well as to any one who have lost their lives and family members. This experience has taught me that no one is untouchable. And when the damages are physically repaired, the memories of this day have faded, and the affects of the storm have passed I will make an effort to remember that lending a helping hand should not only be during a crisis or state of emergency. It should be an every day part of life that I take pride in.

Be safe everyone!

MJB.TheOne

  

Friendship: The impossibilities of the opposite sex

I have done a post in the past based on the importance of managing and nurturing healthy fruitful friendships. There's always the give and take within the relationship that creates a balance. It sounds simple enough: you do your part you maintain the friendships you most value. But as of late I've encountered various scenarios within a timeless conundrum that males and females have faced far beyond a time period that I could think to mention. The paradox of male and female platonic relationships seem to be facing great scrutiny within my dogmatic group of friends and acquaintances. I have personally always been a fan of labels. I believe that clearly stating what something is or isn't is very important to the growth and health of all types of relationships whether it be family related, friend related, or a more intimate relationship. The major problem that lies within labeling something is the misuse or mislabeling of that relationship. This is what gives male/ female friendships a bad name, because honesty is not at the forefront of communication, but instead reality is blinded by false identification.
                As always honest communication is the key to any successful type of relationship. You can not move forward without stating exactly what it is that you want, what you want to accomplish, or where you hope to end up. That is the downfall for men and women who claim to be friends when they know there is more to the both of them. This lack of clear communication should not be a mental shackle that prevents us as a society from realizing that men and women can carry on a fruitful lengthy friendship without intimate or sexual tension. We have realized that after years of evidence that yes slavery is bad, racism still exists, prejudice and stereotypes are dangerous, yet we still can't accept in 2012 that a man and a woman can have conversations with out innuendoes or ulterior motives. Believing that a man will try and sleep with every female friend that he has, or that a female will allow all of her male friends into her pants is not only insulting but also quite preposterous.
              Everyone has had their own experiences and will think in a certain manner about certain things because of those experiences. The reality that is often too difficult for us to accept is: being wronged by one person, or having a particular situation occur once maybe even twice in your life does not guarantee that it is true for everyone else. I have heard many arguments that claim once a sexual encounter has occurred it is impossible to continue any form of friendship beyond that, or it will always be at the back of both parties minds. I have also heard that once emotions have reached a certain level or have the potential to reach that particular level that friendship is impossible. Personally I do not know any one to own a monopoly on the truth, or for all feelings to remain infinite therefore I can only go by what I personally see and what I specifically hear. I take the word of the person that I am communicating with as they are fifty percent of this friendship, and I take my friendships seriously. If it is a friendship that I want, that is made clear at the forefront, and this communication has been key in all of the male friendships that I have been able to maintain for 10+ years. I am not saying it is an easy feat, or easy for other people especially significant others to understand once they have a particular mindset in place. I do however feel that it is the duty of both parties in this situation to make it clear what is going on between them. There is no need to constantly defend the friendship, but clarification must be made for those living with a slanted mind frame. I've seen women and men get lost in intimate relationships causing them to digress from all human contact because of a lack of trust and communication on their part. The unhealthiness of this situation is not only crystal clear it should also be saddening to think that your friendships do not contain the strength to make it through the discrepancies and negative on look from societies judgmental eye.
                 In my short twenty four years on this planet I have seen and heard plenty of conflicting stories, experienced heartbreak, and lived to tell the story. This does not make me an expert on anything, nor does it give me the right to pass judgement on anyone's situation whether it be similar to anything I've experienced or not. I believe nothing is impossible therefore I believe a man and a woman can be friends and just that, because it is a life that I am living. And even if I wasn't, it doesn't matter what has happened in the past, doesn't matter who's liked whom, who's slept with whom, because the past is not where I choose to live. The only advice I can give is to be honest and label things accurately. If someone is your friend then that is what you call them. I do not suggest running around calling everyone a friend, or claiming a friendship when you know that it is more than just that. Be mindful of the energy that you put out there because it just so happens to have a way of sneaking back around to the source.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness: It is a word we are all familiar with. The mere definition or existence of this word is obviously easier than the actual action of forgiveness. What is it that causes forgiveness to be easier said than done? This indeed may be one of the hardest actions for our society to truly successfully accomplish. We are consumed in the mistakes of others in order to have something to talk about or point our fingers in judgement. It becomes an impossible feat to break the mistaken barrier once it has been built. We hear of the quote: "forgive but don't forget" constantly but is true forgiveness possible if the mistaken actions are constantly at the forefront of every thought or encounter? Can you let go of the feelings of anger if you can not let go of what caused the anger?

Personally forgiveness is a task I have yet to triumphantly truly accomplish whole heartedly. Though my own track record is filled with mistakes or choices I could've thought through further, I still find it difficult to accept the apologies of those who have made their own wrongful mistakes. Is it hypocritical to wish for forgiveness for your errors yet judge and refuse to do the same for others. Or is it a mere human attribute we must learn to accept? I've heard many defend their lack of forgiveness as a result of the capacity of the mistake. Rating mistakes on a scale seems to be another form of pointing the finger while ignoring the fingers pointing back at you. It's hard to accept at times especially when you are the  victim in the situation but all mistakes and errors are just that. And again this is easier said than done. I know in my own personal experiences there are levels within my mind that I believe that I would never be able to forgive as opposed to a lesser situation. This however doesn't fit the true essence of what forgiveness is in its purest form.

Though true forgiveness may be a difficult pill to swallow in the heat of the dramatic moment it is a necessary part of life that I am still trying to master. As I grow older I realize more and more that forgiveness is more so about yourself and your sanity than for the person who requires it. Forgiving someone doesn't require forgetting what they've done it allows you to lessen the burdens you carry within yourself. Constantly carrying around that hate, that hurt, and that pain will cause more issues for you than the other party involved. Carry on with your life one day at a time whether the forgiveness process is difficult it is a process you must go through in order to make peace with your own demons. At the end of the day you lay your head down with yourself and your thoughts… don't waste them dwelling in the past. Be content and keep your heard towards the future not stuck in the past.

Love the way society tells you to

"Loving someone is not the same as being in love with someone" 

                 So often we become slaves to what society tells us were supposed to do and what were supposed to feel, that we forget the most important factor of being truly alive. We focus on pleasing others rather than focusing on what makes us truly happy. I'd like to immediately take the time out to clarify what I mean by true happiness vs what we consider to be happiness, when in reality it is just immediate gratification. I am in no way shape or form condoning or promoting unfaithfulness or promiscuity. Happiness can not be achieved by jumping from body to body and that type of behavior is often the reaction to something much deeper than just casual sex. I do however promote to my friends, family, and especially my impressionable adolescent students that you can not achieve true happiness if you do not know what it is that you want, where it is that you want to go, and the steps you need to get there. That often means unfortunately letting go of what it is that everyone thinks were supposed to be doing, or who were supposed to be with.
            As young adults it is a sad but true fact that there is a constant pressure placed on us by society to follow the route laid out before us by those who think they have all the answers. Your significant other must fit the mold in order to please your parents, your friends, your co workers and just about any one else you may encounter on your roads together. We all would like to think that we choose our partners based on love and compatibility but there is a checks and balances system that plays within our heads from the moment you both have encountered one another. Does he/she have a job, have a car, make money? As we get older the superficial questions transform and become: Were they raised in a loving family, are their religious beliefs compatible with mine, do they have a degree, do they want children...etc? It's hard to think of a time when I have encountered someone that has had the potential to become more than a friend, that hasn't faced the mental inquisition of at least one or more of the previous questions.  I'm not saying having certain standards or wants is a bad thing. I do however feel that once these standards created absolutely by society play a part in controlling your happiness that is where the problem begins.
            Refusing to take a chance on someone who doesn't fit into a neat checklist that you have created in your mind is just as bad as holding on to someone who does fit into that checklist. Often I find people stay in relationships or refuse to enter into a relationship because of what others may think or see. I have had countless of conversations with my peers in which we have come to agree that our parental acceptance of our significant others is a key factor as to whether the relationship will work out. I've also encountered conversations in which my friends remain in relationships because they are socially accepted within their circle, though they are completely unhappy with what the relationship has become. Daily monotonous "Good Morning" texts or "I Love You's" have taken then place of truly being IN love. Learning to love someone because they fit into the life you think you are supposed to be living is not the same as being completely and utterly happy to be in love with someone.
            The only thing promised to us from the time that we are born... is death. Whatever else it is that we do with our lives along the journey is a choice that we must make and live with on our own. Life is too unpredictable to spend one moment of that precious time complicating it or being unhappy. There are so many responsibilities that we have to do in order to even consider doing what it is that we want to do. I think it is important to throw out the rule book from time to time and spend some time being in love rather than telling our selves that we love who we are or that we love who we're with. Take the time to be in love with being in love don't become a  mindless fool that does everything society tells you is socially acceptable.      

Reality vs Perception

"The assumption that seeing is believing makes us susceptible to visual deceptions"

With every passing year I gather life lessons, wisdom, and experiences. As my twenty fourth year has just gotten underway I've encountered and witnessed countless situations in which the appearance of a situation takes precedent to the true reality. It is easy for our subconscious and imagination to take hold of and manipulate information that we have heard. It is even easier to take and misconstrue information that we believe we've seen. Believing none of what I hear and half of what I see is a motto I hold near and dear to my heart. Allowing your imagination to run wild will land you in a lifestyle filled with assumptions and inaccuracies. Unfortunately this is a seed that is planted in our minds from a young age therefore often leading to destructive thoughts and behavior particularly during adolescence.

Many often confuse the ideals of perspective and point of view with the ideal of what it is to be perceptive. While they are closely related they are not the same. You see having a point of view or a certain perspective on an issue requires you to actually know the issue, to know the truth, the facts, the full details. Those who choose to have a perspective or point of view on something they know nothing about directly fall into the categories of judgmental and ignorant. This is where perception comes to play. You see perception requires no fact, no information it is solely connected with the sense of sight. Your perception is formed by your consciousness and intuition based on what you see, or what it is you think you see. I personally have directly strayed away from ever calling myself perceptive, because perception often leads to forming opinions based on an assumption formed by my imagination. It appears that we as a society have not only become accustomed to assuming what we believe to be true we take it upon our selves to spread these assumptions in order to infect the minds and lives of others.

It has become a simple magic trick really. One person hears an interesting detail which then becomes a fact in their mind. That false fact then becomes public news to any and every one that will lend an ear to listen. Friendships lost, relationships ended, egos bruised, and reputations destroyed solely from a single rapidly perceptive thought put out into the atmosphere. The effects of the illusion are so damaging yet powerful they often go unnoticed because they fall desperately under the guise of: "keeping it real", or "looking out for a friend". Words, thoughts, ideas destroying people's lives often turn out at the end of the day to not even be true. And of course those on the receiving end can always go about saying they don't care or demonstrating how unaffected they are... but the fact remains that their reality has been tarnished by a perception. The falsehood of living in a lie doesn't just affect solely the person living in that lie. People who refuse to live in reality always affect those of us attempting to keep both our feet stable on the ground.

The hardest thing about life is living with your own personal truth. That is a very difficult feat for many so instead they choose to live in the shadows of other's truths or create false truths. The true truth of the matter is that wont be effective for long and will eventually cause self destruction. Destroying someone else's life wont make your life any better. Take time to evaluate your self and your own truth. Be present in your own life and be mindful that everyone else's business should not be any one else's business.



         

The power of words

         "My words are like the barrel of a gun remind me which side you should be on"

                          I don't know who said it first but I find the little nursery rhyme we teach children "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" to be completely incorrect. Words always have and always will be the strongest weapons that we have ever possessed. Just simply looking back in time we see the power words can have in the shaping and molding of historical scenarios and events. From religion to war, depression and enlightenment words have the power to create great destruction or progress within a society. With that being said it is a constant battle to avoid falling into the trap of the two main verbal conditions most of our society faces. We either fall into the "I'm so gangsta" condition where we say any and every thing that comes to mind without prior thought or filter. This condition is often disguised as "keeping it real" and often lacks the decorum and focus that makes it possible to say any thing in a way that doesn't purposely hurt or offend the person in which the "realness" is being aimed at. The second and just as dangerous condition is of course: the lie. While no one wants to answer the dreaded: "Do I look fat in this outfit?" This dishonest manner is also most often the creator of toxic gossip, and rumors into our society that create unnecessary situations and ultimately lead to improper decision making. Whether it is a lie of omission, or a verbal attack on your right to honesty, the power in a lie has the capability to ruin lives and transform friendships into enemies.
                           So what does it all mean? Where do these powerful weapons that we possess leave us in the spectrum of our connections with friends, family, co workers, and even strangers that we come across on a daily basis? Do we lie to protect their feelings, hide our true nature behind a dishonest guise? Do we say whatever comes to mind with out concern of the repercussions that may transpire? It is a difficult fine line that we tread as a united society based on human connection and communication. We as a people can not survive without one another, but we constantly verbally tear down even those that are closest to us in order to maintain a certain persona or to liven up an evening of jokes.
                           It doesn't take a genius to realize that life is unpredictable in nature and today may be your last day or the last day of someone you love.  We get so caught up in our own lives and self preservation that we forget that the silence caused by prolonging an unnecessary argument due to egos may be the last thing you share with someone you care about. While I still struggle with saying everything that is on my mind, as I get older, and the ones around me age as well… I realize that my time and theirs is limited. Going to bed angry because you didn't get that "good night" text, or sulking all day at work because you didn't get a "good morning" text, may be the last thought you have before you don't get another tomorrow. This silly game that we play enhanced by technology and social media is truly a dangerous game of Russian Roulette. Time will run out and regret will sink in. And when this does happen, how "thirsty" someone  had once appeared will no longer matter. Make your words count because in the end people don't care about how much money you had or the pair of Jordans you bought. Twenty years down the line no one will remember what kind of weave you had or how many cars you owned. Those memories will fade, but the legacy that your words and actions created will live on in their hearts. People will remember what you said to them and how you made them feel. And if the last memory is a negative one because you ran out of time and couldn't fix it, well then that is a life that you and others will remember and regret. Tell those you love how much you love them as often as possible. Embrace the power that you have and stop waiting for someone else to make the next move. Make it a point to never leave a situation unsolved or leave any wounds left open.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

                                              Watch your words, they become actions.
                                               Watch your actions, they become habits.
                                 Watch your habits, they become your character.
                                  Watch your character, it becomes your destiny

Reconnection

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

              I think as a blogger, a writer, and genuinely as a person in general I've gotten away from what makes me: me. What makes me different, unique, special...etc. It is not uncommon to become disconnected  from the world, and it is even more likely to become disconnected with yourself. It is a rare luxury that few people encounter in which you can see the problem and choose to fix it. I began relying on my common contributions to the world while ignoring my art, ignoring my reality, therefore creating a major disconnect from my heart to the pen to the paper.Or in this case the keyboard to the screen. I found myself pointing the finger more often then not instead of taking a look at the person staring back at me in the mirror. So  below I offer my most honest and vulnerable post. In it I don't just discuss facts that affect society, or discuss trend, instead I discuss myself.  While I can't pinpoint where the disconnect began or how the affects began to surface, I'm sure I can address a few common issues that may have placed  me at the beginning of this reflective path to reconnect. 

Holding On: A wise friend once inadvertently told me, while speaking to a crowd of impressionable adolescents, "When you love someone you don't always have to be around them, and all up under them. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance". I'm sure she didn't know it at the time but I adopted that mantra, made it a point to live by it, and share it with others that may need a bit of reminding. So often we find ourselves holding on to certain people, things, beliefs, issues all because we can't see past the ends of our noses. We choose to burden ourselves and in doing so burden others around us, because letting go seems like the end of the world. The fear cripples our ability to realize that resilience feeds strength. Length of time, struggles and hurdles faced together, and the memories of former happier times should not be bargaining chips in regards to your happiness. Sometimes you and that friend you've had forever must walk away from each other to preserve sanity and respect. The boyfriend/girlfriend you've been dragging along must be set free. And most importantly the hatred, drama, issues you've been harboring must be let go or you will forever be in a mentally enslaved state. The first move is the painful realization you have to face sooner or later on your own. This process is by no means as simple and straight forward as I make it seem, because I myself as a physical and emotional hoarder have become accustomed to being surrounded by people and things while being in a complete emotionally unavailable lonely state. The quickness or ease of the process is not what matters, it's coming to grips with the fact that some people are going to be roots in your life, and some people are going to be leaves. Differentiating between the two is always going to be tricky as some people have a better poker faces than others. I find myself being okay with this process because I value both the roots and the leaves. I see the importance that both types of people have in my life. I see that some people are here to help me be stable and grounded while learning during life's lessons, while the others are teaching me the ins and outs, the goods and bads of  those lessons.          

Choosing to make mistakes: I think what has caused a major disconnect not only for myself, but for many others is the complete disregard for what is a choice and what is a mistake. This dangerous misconception creates a false sense of reality, where it becomes apparent that blatant thought out choices are later being labeled as a mistake to create a sense of ease between the mind and the conscience. The only real way to truly connect with yourself is to be honest with yourself. Tricking your own mind doesn't do you any justice nor does it right any wrongs you may have done. Relying on the fact that you can later change your choice to a mistake, prevents ownership of your actions and cheapens the very soul of who you are. As an almost 24 year old I still find it difficult to own up to the big stuff, but i am quickly learning as I face day to day life that it is okay to say:  my bad, or that i fucked up, or better yet IM SORRY that i made the wrong decision, I made the wrong choice. I'm learning in this whole adult thing that your true power comes from the choices you make, and whether you make the right or the wrong one the world respects the honesty. So i figure the true focus should always be to make your next move your best move so you don't have to worry about making "false mistakes".     

Others make you good... but only you can make your self great.

MJB

Legendary

       It's been a while but often in my moments of long term absence new found growth and understanding of different aspects occur. Recently I saw a documentary "Marley" about the life and times of famous singer, activist, artist, and all around legend Robert Nesta Marley or known to most as just plain ol' Bob Marley. This documentary drastically increased the pre-existing love and adoration I had for this man's music, life, and whole way of thinking. As weeks progressed it did more than just open my eyes, heart, and mind to the man that is Bob Marley, the documentary started a thought process in my mind that I never thought about it before.
            So often we are quick to label people as celebrities, role models, and legends. I find that often the latter of the three is either misused or used when it is too little to late. It has always been a condundrum that our society has been unwittingly faced with. Our "celebrities", and I use this word loosely, are placed on immense pedestals where they are given opportunities and responsibilities to our society that they are usually no where near ready to handle. On occasion we do have people that rise to the challenge of building character right in front of the public. You see as "normal people" we take it for granted that we can make our mistakes and battle our growing pains in relative privacy, while we chastise the faces of our flawed nation publicly. And to those that do well we still fail to truly praise their accomplishments until they have made their way out of our present lives.
           It seems that timing is the master key but when is the appropriate time to label someone a legend. What makes someone legendary? Is it the creation of a new found piece of technology that changed the way we communicate, is it the release of a fundamentally conscious song with lyrics that point out the flaws of society. Or is it merely just bringing about change for the future? As a teacher who focuses mainly on the "big picture", "big idea", and world concepts that relate to real life, I find myself challenging my students to place a pigeon hold on their conceptual ideas in regards to the birth of legacy. But the reality is there is no right or wrong answer nor is their a specific date or time that reveals when a legacy has begun or when someone has transformed into a legend. As walking trending topics we have coined the phrase "living legend" for a few whom we deem as people that have created indelible marks in our society's history for years to come. But the truth of the matter is while their creations are furtively growing we often mock their aspirations, berate their every move and mistake, and always without pause praise the differences they have made after they have entered the ground.
             We as a people never seem to fully appreciate the present. While it certainly is a gift that can not be used for more than 24 hours it is important to use it to its full potential. Giving people their flowers while they can still smell them would yield powerful growth, and success in a society that thrives off of the slightest and most minor hint of appreciation. Connection, connectivity, we are all linked and it is the interaction between people that shapes our world on a day to day basis. I personally have been guilty of taking the present for granted as well as those that are involved. There are no true promises therefore it is important to appreciate those around you because you never know when you could be a witness and participant in the cultivation of a new legend.        

Life... or something like it

As good friends we often find ourselves stuck in a trap. It often blinds us from the true reality of living life. That trap is: trying so badly to help others that we forget you CAN NOT make someone do something that they truly do not want to do. In this past amazing weekend filled with so many of my loved ones, both friends and family helped me to clearly realize that at the end of the day all you can do is offer advice, a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on. We strive from such a young age to reach that pinnacle adult moment where "nobody can't tell me nothing". From the very first moment that something does not go our way we embed the natural thought process that once I am older my life will be my own. We of course are not wrong in thinking so because undoubtedly our lives are our own. When we lay our heads down at night, when we go through pain and struggle, and even when we die we are alone in that moment with just ourselves. It's important to always realize that everything you do, you must do for yourself first and foremost before you can please any one else. You spend the most time with yourself... therefore you must make the best of that situation before you can be anything to any one else. It's a weary line we walk as co-dependent creatures, and often end up putting others needs before our own. Giving advice and allowing others lives to take precedent over our own well being is a common mistake I see occur on a day to day basis with those I associate with. It is clear that we all have our own opinions about certain issues and hold certain things on different levels of severity. With that being said respect is necessary in all relationships whether on a friend level or intimate level. You must respect the choices that others make in their own lives whether you agree or disagree. It is better to agree to disagree and live life peacefully rather than be volatile with each other and disrespect the choices of others' lives. Be open, and understanding... and if all else fails rearrange your playing cards because after all life is a game... and you control the players.

MJB

Justice for Trayvon Martin

Justice: a highly demanded tiny seven letter noun with so many meanings at this point in time. Justice is often defined as the quality of being just or righteous. It is a moral principle that determines just conduct. A principle we as humans must conform and manifest in order to administer deserved punishment or reward when dealing with equitable treatment of others.

I've remained silent on the issues revolving the Trayvon Martin case for quite some time now for many reasons. I often find it difficult to write about situations that strike close to home as it makes it difficult to maintain a neutral journalistic standpoint. However I decided a long time ago that silence enabled injustice and now in a demoralizing time such as this speaking up is necessary. Everyone who knows me well knows that my two younger brothers mean more than the world to me. They are the two people I hold closest and dearest to my heart, therefore myself and many others can not only relate to the fear that has struck many hearts, we possess the empathetic connection that: MY SON, MY UNCLE, MY FATHER, MY COUSIN, MY FRIEND, MY BROTHERS... COULD BE THE NEXT TARGETS.

At the surface of the issue many would deem this as another "racial war" that African Americans are trying make into more than what it really is. People die every day, homicides are committed every day so why choose this case to magnify and closely monitor. Why create shirts, and FaceBook posts, why go on countless marches when young people, old people, all kinds of people die every day. And while I understand that ignorance is bliss for many we must take the time to truly realize that at this point racial profiling is just the surface of the Trayvon Martin tragedy. We live in a country that is a super power, a force to be reckoned with, a nation that boasts of unity, strength, and freedom. Yet it seems at this current moment "liberty and justice for all" is being loosely interpreted to fit the needs of some instead of all. Personally I am not surprised by the outcome based solely off of the grossly slanted statistics we as a nation possess in regards to incarceration rates. Are we to assume that African American males are always in the wrong place wrong time? Or that there are targets on their backs from the moment they enter puberty?

Stereotypes are consistently incorporated into our daily interaction so greatly that we may not even notice. It becomes a major issue when these stereotypes cause a young male to lose his life. Though we may not be born with the mentality that : "blacks look like this" and "whites speak like that" we are conditioned into these beliefs on a daily basis with what we see portrayed in the media. We often mask the severity of the preconceived judgements we possess behind humor, but that truth of the matter is the images we see, the music we hear, and the jokes we make are all apart of this problem. Why? Because as long as there are people like Zimmerman who internalize these preconceived notions as their reality we will continue to have a repeat of mankind taking the laws into their own hands. No "hooded" person whether black, white, or hispanic should be deemed as a threat until they pose a threat. As a young petite female I must admit that I have been guilty of taking precautions that I have deemed as necessary. However there is a major difference between locking the doors, and crossing the street in comparison to shooting someone who seems suspicious to me. Taking caution and taking action are two completely different options and clearly Zimmerman made the wrong choice.

At the end of the day I think we need to look at this case clearly as what it truly is. A seventeen year old boy was killed in cold blood for doing nothing that warranted losing his life. I've read the stories, I've heard arguments from all sides but at the end of the day the fact remains that: a an unarmed boy was killed, we know who killed him, and he must be brought to justice. Every other asset of this situation may be discussed until kingdom come but that will not change the fact that what he did was undoubtedly wrong.

I understand that some may feel that they are tired of hearing about this case, or there are other important things we as a nation can be focusing on, or there are more developing news stories we should take notice of on a daily basis. I truly hope that you understand this as well: awareness is the first key to change and without it we will continue to study tragedies within our history because we did too little too late. Remaining silent, turning your back, or making a joke out of the situation is not only a huge disservice to the memory of Trayvon Martin, it is an act of injustice to those who have fallen victim to the lack of awareness in the past. People who think "this doesn't affect me" or "this has nothing to do with me" place one more building block into the recreation of slavery, holocausts, genocides, school massacres. We've seen the repetition of history occur time after time... and it's just about time that we stop.

MJB

KONY 2012: Awareness vs Popularity

With every passing day my generation moves closer and closer to being the generation saying the unavoidable catch phrase: "These younger generations are doing nothing with their lives. They fight no causes and get worse and worse every year". But just before we reach that "old-timer status" we are currently at the brink of a new "flavor of the week" so to speak. As an objective writer I tend to keep my political and religious beliefs in check, as a subjective writer I involve my emotions with every key stroke I press. In regards to Joseph Kony and the Invisible Children movement it is difficult to write strictly objectively or subjectively. With this difficult task at hand, I find that my only solution is to dive into this subject completely and wholeheartedly in order to present both sides accurately.

As with any popular movement that receives support there will always be the inevitable opposition filled with bias negativity looking to make people "think". I've seen the response videos, status updates, and ignorant comments in regards the popularity that the KONY 2012 movement has gained over a few short days. I also understand where these reactions stem from. We are a nation that is consumed with popularity, status, and celebrity. With these three elements combined and used inappropriately we often find, that we as a nation are easily manipulated into believing whatever we are told without question. Take into consideration that both the mistreatment of animals, and cancer have been around for longer than you and I can both begin to calculate; throw in a few celebrities, properly placed advertisement, and a decent touching sob story then you have every American walking around with a yellow LiveStrong bracelet on their wrist, and an ASPCA bumper sticker on their cars. Does this mean that Lance Armstrong and Sarah McLaughlin's affiliation with their cause cheapened it's credibility? Did the popularity of a yellow LiveStrong bracelet derail researchers from their main goal?

I understand big business schemes have left a bad taste in our mouths, but the fact of the matter is money is a necessary part of making change. I am not condoning aimlessly donating to every charity that pops up, I do however feel that a little research on the part of the donator is necessary.

Being weary is one thing, but putting down a movement that can possibly bring about a positive change is another. Awareness always has and hopefully will not always be a major issue when educating young people. It's difficult to get them to be aware of their surroundings let alone aware that there is a world outside of their own. This is what this movement and all "flavor of the week" movements are about: awareness. Making sure you know that it exists, making sure you know what is going on, making the invisible… visible so you decide on your own what is the next step you must take. You shouldn't just jump and do because everyone is doing it, you should just react because everyone is reacting, and you shouldn't donate because everyone is donating. You do what you believe is the next necessary step for you to do not for anyone else. The important key factor is that you KNOW what is going on around you so the choice lies within your hands. In the end it is important to realize that the video was created to build awareness about an issue that has been taking place for over two decades. With awareness comes progress, movement, understanding, and possibly a solution. Downplaying an important issue that has become popular just because it is popular while you go on to watch the millionth "Shit Black Girls Say" spinoff video makes you apart of the problem.

*Educate your self

MJB

Running Away vs Constantly Searching

"We don't get to pick who we fall in love with, and it doesn't always happen like it should"

- No Strings Attached

I had a conversation with a great friend recently where we discussed the presence of voids in our lives. It was during that conversation that we realized that while we both had similar needs and wants for the outcomes of our lives we had two distinctly opposite manners in which to approach the situations we have landed our selves into. After this conversation ended I found myself wondering which approach was most detrimental and unhealthy as they both lead to severe unhappiness. It is then I realized that either approach would lead to the same out come and I am truly at a loss for words on just how to dissect either of them.

The first dynamic is knowing and clearly seeing what you want but running from it for several reasons that your imaginative mind has concocted. For the most part this approach is taken due to a severe feeling of unworthiness. It is sad to say that even with all the chips perfectly lined up there have been times when I have witnessed the fleeing first hand and wished I could step in to prevent that horrible mistake. It is not only heart breaking to witness the mistake occur, it is terrifying to be the person running or be on the receiving end of the unrequited affection. Many people unfortunately have difficulties accepting even the most perfect of situations placed directly in front of them for many internal reasons. By choosing to face the internal battle alone you create a frustrating cycle not only for yourself but for the other party involved as well. When there is someone willing and waiting to get into the ring and fight with you and fight for you it is always best to take a second look at a golden opportunity. Even if you feel unworthy chances are the person chasing you as you run away, with fear as your only companion, sees more in you than you would ever think. Life presents opportunities for a reason, and if not taken you may find yourself stuck on the outside looking in at something you know you truly want but may no longer deserve.

The second dynamic presented within this fundamentally interesting conversation is the person who knows what it is they want but has no sense of direction on how to obtain their end goal. Their sense of blindness and loss confuses the search therefore making every moment unbearable and more hopeless than the next. Fear does play a part in this scenario as well but is slightly different than the previous manner. Within this dynamic there is more a fear of making the wrong choice instead of simply allowing the patterns of life and love to occur. There are meticulously calculated decisions made that don't often lead to the end goal and place this person back at square one.

While both processes are extremely tiring and unfulfilling I'd imagine there is no quick fix or so many would have solved their unanswered problems. The true question that can possibly be answered at this time would be: Which is more tiring…constantly running or constantly searching?

Reality

As a general high school teacher I must say it is quite easy to get lost and caught up in a false sense of reality. My students prove to me every day that they are incapable of assessing and dealing with certain issues head on. After much careful thought on the topic I've realized that facing reality isn't just an adolescent issue that fades with time. In fact I am becoming more accustomed to hearing "If it is meant to be it will be", "I'm just going to sit back and let it play out", or my favorite, "It's out of my hands there is nothing I can do" from the group of peers I choose to surround myself with. A few months ago at the beginning of the school year I decided to recycle my annual Essential question: Are the outcomes of our lives affected by fate, chance, or choice? I have posed this question to many different people in different forums and while many debates occur an often general consensus decides it is choice that determines the outcome of our lives. Yet it is the same people who believe so strongly in the power of choice that are ultimately leaving their lives up to the twists and turns of an unknown fate.

I can't say wholeheartedly that I can control every single moment of my life. There are events and moments that simply occur. I do know that the moments I can control, I take full responsibility and ownership over. There have been many times when I thought about leaving situations to resolve themselves, but I realized that leaving life up to fate removes my power and encourages weakness. Copping out with "if it is meant to be it will be" replaces communication and the importance of honesty. Facing situations head on is the basis of living life to it's fullest capacity and is the basis of living a truly fulfilling life. I don't claim to have all of the answers but I do know that I have an impeccable sense of reality. I can always see what is right in front of me even if it takes a while, I have learned to appreciate the pain of reality rather than the comforts of a falsified dream world.